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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy
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LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
Commentator 1:
Good evening and welcome to H.M.P. HaFa Towers. Tonight's boxing match which promises to be a classic in every sense of the word. In the red corner, weighing in at 258 pounds and the undisputed pie eating champion of the prison, the man known as Mark Anderson!
Aaaaaaand in the blue corner weighing in at 180 pounds dead weight... Jason James!
Tonight's referee is the undefeated Highlands Champion Boxer Senior Prison Warden Mr. Fulton Mackay!
And tonight's prize?
SMASHING THE LOSER INTO NEXT WEDNESDAY!
Senior Prison Warden Mr. Mackay:
I want a good clean fight between youse two. No head butting, no low blows and no holding. We went over the rules in the changing rooms lads, so. Now touch gloves and back to your corners.
(Bell rings)
Commentator 1:
Well, I've got to say that Mark Anderson looks pretty handy tonight. Been convicted and jailed for assault. He’s got a record for violence sure, but this is his first time behind bars. Has numerous other convictions, aaaall for violence.
He’s been training with the likes of pieman, Wykah, Coops and Latex Zebra - all new guys but sound.
Mark is a stone mason by trade, so he’s a natural born hard hitter.
Commentator 2:
And that's really starting to show in his early dominance against Jason. Mark’s really come out fighting and he's caught Jason totally off guard.
Commentator 2:
Mark’s really come out fighting and he's caught Jason totally off guard.
Commentator 1:
What Mark hasn’t told the rest of the prison that his convictions for violence are…
Commentator 2:
Yes?
Commentator 1
Commentator 1:
...Are ALL and I mean ALL 14 of them are against his ex-partner and the mother of his two children. For example, last Christmas he battered his ex-partner with a rolling pin. He got a suspended sentence for that one.
As if that wasn’t enough, he then attacks her - in public this time, your actual broad daylight in the High Street.
Pushes her against a lamp post and starts punching and slapping her about the face. He pulls her coat off and rips her blouse open and verbally abuses her. She finally manages to escape and when Police find her she was “covered in blood” and had a broken nose, a fractured cheek and two black eyes. The judge called Mark a bully…
Hang on... What’s this?
Right now he's receiving a number of telling blows from Jason.
Right now he's receiving a number of telling blows from Jason
Commentator 2:
Well, Jason has been training with the likes of 5709 and ceeks, some real dark horses, let me tell you why... WOAH! YES! Jason is having a field day here, he's just laying into Mark left, right and centre, and he's really giving him a right royal boxing lesson.
Commentator 1:
This is seriously bad news for Mark.
Jason is a professional boxer who has multiple previous convictions for violent assaults, he is in the nick yet again, because this time he actually managed to kill a good friend of his with one punch - a deadly knockout blow to the head, the fabled "King Hit."
His judge branded Jason as a "coward." He's not looking cowardly here tonight.
The “King Hit” that jailed him was modestly described by James to the Police as a “clip to the ear.”
This sickening act inspired Danny Green [four times Boxing World Champion] to instigate his “STOP THE COWARD’S PUNCH” campaign.
Commentator 2:
Well, I hope history doesn't repeat itself because Jason seems to have hit an early knockout blow...
All action happens in slow motion in background
Commentator 2:
...Aaaaaand Mark hits the canvas! He hits the fucking canvas! I don't believe it!
Still in Slo-Mo
Mark hits the fucking canvas!
Senior Prison Warden Mr. Mackay:
One-er...two-er…three-er…four-er….five-er…. (raises hand and hits the ground). .. six-er….sev -
Commentator 2:
- What's this? What's this? Why is Mr. Mackay is signalling to the physician?
Commentator 1:
OOPS! JASE DID IT AGAIN!!!
Commentator 1:
OOPS! JASE DID IT AGAIN!!!
Please click HERE to see how their actions have influenced the respect our would be KING CON's now enjoy, find out who is the current TOP DOG and who is yapping at their heels. Please join us again SOON for the next episode of:
KING CON
Only available on HarderFaster
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 10-08-2018 00:34 AM |
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy
|
Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Difficulty level:2
BONUS MISSION
Ready?
Well let's play:
KING CON
The Boxing Club
Recognised as the best way for the inmates to deal with their aggression. Better to deal with "beef" according to a semblance of the Marquis of Queensberry's Rules than a shiv in the shower.
Most of the time the bouts are just an excuse for the screws to laugh as the spiced up convicts attempt to batter the shit out of each other.
You don't even bother going to these clownfests.
Sometimes, though a good match comes up.
Something worth watching.
So there you are pressing weight when out of the corner of your eye you see a flurry of moves in the boxing ring. Nice.
Looking at the notice board you see a bout is scheduled for Thursday night. You haven't bothered going up till now as its usually just some blokes who'd do more damage to each other with handbags.
"Deano vs Scouse Joe" you read.
Quote:
| Bookie's Runner #3 said
"It's going to be a good one, right up your street mate.
You did a big bet on the Jason vs Mark match. I remember youse.
Well, word amongst the players is that Deano is fighting because he's got a fucking KING PUNCH just like Jase used on Mark, the last time you came for Fight Night. Yeah man, Deano's right hand fucking killed a geezer stone dead.
So, promising to be the best fight for a while. I've got to say as you're a sporting gent, Deano will not be walking this fight. Scouse Joe is like one of those unstoppable forces. A mountain if you like, it would take a truck to knock him out. Mad Scouse scally, they've all got concrete brains up there lol. Both packing muscle, there'll be plenty of weight slamming about the ring.
Hey, that's Deano there. Scouse Joe'll be training here later, stay for a look? There's a book running if you're interested, big money to be made. If you like I'll pop over and offer you odds?"
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There’s a promising boxing match to be held this Thursday night, study the two champs below and decide who is most likely to win. Post the name of the guy you're putting a monkey on to win before 20:00 hours Thursday.
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Back the right guy and it will boost your reputation and earn you RESPECT POINTS.
Pick the winner and yes, you'll be the man dog.
Ready?
Well let's play:
KING CON
DEANO
I hit him once, he went down, then he died
Fucking end of
VERSUS
SCOUSE JOE
I'm from Liverpool, smacking people really hard in the face is part of my culture
ProTip: If a boxer double crosses you, you're going down!
crib notes:
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| 20-08-2018 09:10 AM |
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy
|
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
We join the fight in the third round:
Commentator #4:
Deano is looking bloodied and tired here, Scouse Joe is just waiting for one mistake. There it is, he's coming round, he's feinting him, he's feinting him, oh he nearly took Deano's fucking head off with that uppercut!
He nearly took Deano's fucking head off with that uppercut!
Commentator #3:
Not dissimilar to the uppercut Dean "Deano" Hartley dished out to his friend one night. Both out on the piss and with no warning Deano sneakily unleashed his King Punch on his drunken friend knocking the poor fucker right out.
Commentator #4:
That's nasty, I bet he doesn't like that story being told. I'd heard... Wait a minute! Go on Scouse Joe, step in son, one more right hand will do it. He's fucking down, he's down, stay down Deano you fucker, stay down!
He's fucking down, he's down, stay down Deano you fucker
Commentator #3:
Yeah stay down like your mate stayed down that fateful night Deano. Deano punched his mate from behind and his head hit a kerb on the way down and he died in hospital two days later. Good old Deano then lied to plod and said he found Karl in a heap on the floor and that he must have fallen over.
Commentator #4:
Fuck sakes!
Not very fucking sport me old mucker. Aha! Deano's staggering all over the show, he's just like me on a fucking Saturday night, come on Scouse Joe!
Deano's staggering all over the show, just like me on a fucking Saturday night
Commentator #4:
Jump on him Scouse Joe. You've got him now, one more shot will do it! Stop wiping his fucking gloves, Mackay! You're giving Deano time to recover! Come on, let him at the twat!
Commentator #3:
Mackay is right to hold Scouse Joe back after the fight here the other week when Jason slaughtered Mark. Scouse Joe a.k.a. Joseph Saunderson is a two times England A.B.A.E. Champion. He's fought for England and Great Britain, captaining the England team that won gold in the GB Schoolboy Championships, he was a hopeful for the Olympics...
Commentator #4:
The magic sponge has given Deano his second wind. He's coming at Scouse Joe with all he's got. An amazing flurry of blows and not one landed! Hahaha Scouse Joe is making this look easy!
Scouse Joe is making this look easy!
Commentator #4:
OUCH! That must have fucking hurt! Deano's on the ropes the muggy cunt. Mackay get fucking counting, come on! I think the fight is almost over now. The counts at eight, Oh My God! Mackay's pushing Deano back into it again, what the actual fuck is Mackay thinking of?
OUCH! That must have fucking hurt!
Commentator #4:
Fucks sake, yet another wipe of Scouse Joe's gloves, fucking knock Mackay right the fuck out please! Come on Scouse Joe, Jesus Christ. That's it! What a fucking punch! Well done Scouse Joe! Hang on, what? I don't believe it, Mackay is ruining this fight! Fucking Deano is down and Mackay is giving him time to recover. Twice in two minutes it's only the ropes stopping Deano from hitting the deck! What the fuck is Mackay doing in the ring tonight?
It's only the ropes stopping Deano from hitting the deck!
Commentator #3
Scouse Joe is inside for possession of a stolen shotgun. Already got convictions for stealing cars the dickhead steals another one and crashes that too. He then strolls from the wreckage flaunting the hot shooter like he owned the shop, the shotgun cocked and ready to fire, the fucking plonker. And the way he's using those guns of his tonight, you have to ask why would he need a fucking stolen shooter?
Commentator #4:
Surely one more shot is going to do it, put the pressure on, Scouse Joe, go to the body now. That murdering bastard Deano is staggering all over the show, he's like a mummified wardrobe, surely one more shot will do it. He can't get up again! Fuck off Mackay! Fuck right off! I'm going to spark that sweaty sock of a warden out myself!
Deano's like a mummified wardrobe
Commentator #4:
He's got him in the corner now, keep the punches going Scouse Joe, put him under, come on you're going to do it! Dear sweet Jesus would you look at the speed of that! Scouse Joe is really pulling all his tricks out of the bag and Deano is completely fucked! Yes! Yes! It's fucking over! Deano hits the fucking canvas and he ain't getting up this time!
Dear sweet Jesus would you look at the speed of that!
Please click HERE to see how their actions have influenced the respect our would be KING CON's now enjoy, find out who is the current TOP DOG and who is the poodle yapping at their heels. Please join us again SOON for the next episode of:
KING CON
Only available on HarderFaster
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| 23-08-2018 20:05 PM |
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