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HarderFaster Forums >> General Mayhem >> YOU ARE THE...BEST FRIEND

 
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pieman

Registered: Mar 2013
Posts: 2532 - Threads: 4
Location:

Quote:
Guile wrote on 29-04-2018 11:33 AM

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Maybe, he just looks like he could turn on a sixpence and disembowel you as soon as look at you. Like he's about to burst. She could pop him preemptively if she's got any knitting kneedles or suchlike, I suppose.

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Old Post30-04-2018 09:01 AM
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Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 15057 - Threads: 341
Location: London



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Honourable Mention
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Club Night - Zoology 15

[Edited by HF Moderator 3 on 09-05-2018 23:13 PM]

Quote:
plazo wrote on 27-04-2018 11:19 PM

i regularly use this wonderful app to zip my important files.



I regularly wank over pictures of your mum eating out your sister.

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Old Post30-04-2018 11:24 AM
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Janie Mac
a hound.....

Registered: Oct 2002
Posts: 15055 - Threads: 202
Location: Glesgae

I'm gonna go with Gareth. He's got that whole 'looks like he's been camo'd up and hiding in a bush watching you undress but never really getting brave enough to break in and murder you' vibe going on.
Girls dig that.

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Old Post01-05-2018 17:21 PM
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Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 15057 - Threads: 341
Location: London



Poll Winner!
2016
óò
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KING CON
Joint Winner
Day Party - Alumni
Honourable Mention
Tune - Mind Shift - Luke Warner and Latex Zebra
Winner
DJ
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Winner
Club Night - Zoology 15

Quote:
Janie Mac wrote on 01-05-2018 06:21 PM

I'm gonna go with Gareth. He's got that whole 'looks like he's been camo'd up and hiding in a bush watching you undress but never really getting brave enough to break in and murder you' vibe going on.
Girls dig that.



Restraining Orders are just for show.

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Old Post02-05-2018 07:59 AM
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Hi, and a warm welcome to the results of:

Mexican Wave Mexican Wave

"YOU ARE THE... BEST FRIEND"


OUR CONTESTANTS ARE IN LOVE WITH THEIR HOUSEMATE, CAN THEY PLAY THE LONG GAME...

Click here to view original image

... AND ESCAPE THE FRIEND ZONE TO WIN THE GIRL?


She asks them for advice on who to date showing them some promising TINDER profiles.

Holding her phone, swiping through her choices, occasionally looking down her top and wondering at her lack of V.P.L. it soon becomes obvious that ALL her choices are CRAZED CRIMINALS but being Criminal Anthropologists they realise that ONE of the following is a whole lot less rotten than the others, in that he will only break her heart, instead of breaking her nose, arms, legs and neck...

Aaaaaaaaaand let's review the prospective dates and reveal their true nature.

HERE WE GO!

Let's play:


Mexican Wave Mexican Wave

"YOU ARE THE... BEST FRIEND"


STEPHEN ROBERTS
GAS ENGINEER.
20 PREVIOUS CONVICTIONS FOR ASSAULTING GIRLFRIENDS.

ASSAULTED HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND, THEN THREATENED TO USE HIS GAS ENGINEERS KNOWLEDGE TO BLOW UP HER HOUSE, ENDED UP IN A SIEGE SITUATION WITH THE POLICE, WHO HAD TO EVACUATE THE ENTIRE ESTATE, UNTIL HE WAS FINALLY TASERED AND TAKEN OUT LIKE THE MAD DOG HE IS.

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STEFAN SHAMEER DONALDSON
RAPIST.

RAPED HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND IN BROAD DAYLIGHT IN AN ALLEY JUST OFF A MAIN STREET IN FULL VIEW OF PASSERSBY ON THEIR WAY TO WORK. PERFORMED TWO ACTS OF RAPE AND ATTEMPTED A THIRD. LEFT HER PARTIALLY NAKED AND SOBBING. LIED CONSISTENTLY ABOUT THE EVENT, DESPITE HIS DNA BEING FOUND ALL OVER HIS VICTIM. THE JUDGE SAID HE TREATED HIS VICTIM "AS A WORTHLESS PIECE OF MEAT."

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MICHAEL BIRCHELL SWINDELLS
MONSTER.

"CAUGHT" HIS GIRLFRIEND LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF A MAN ON FACEBOOK, PINNED HER DOWN ONTO THE BED, REPEATEDLY STRANGLED HER AND HELD A PILLOW OVER HER FACE, SHE BELIEVED SHE WAS ABOUT TO DIE.

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GARETH DAVIES
BURGLAR.

SMALL TIME INDUSTRIAL ESTATE BURGLAR, [NON RESIDENTIAL] CAUGHT RED HANDED, CHARGED, RELEASED AND SKIPPED BAIL. WHEREABOUTS CURRENTLY UNKNOWN.

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DEREK ADAMSON
SAVAGE BRUTE.

98 PREVIOUS CONVICTIONS.
HIS MOTHER HAD A PHONE CALL FROM HIS RECENT EX-GIRLFRIEND WARNING HER THAT DEREK WAS ON THE WAY. HE WAS ALREADY THERE AND OVERHEARD THE CONVERSATION. HE WANTED TO TALK TO HIS EX, HIS MOTHER REFUSED TO HAND OVER THE PHONE SO HE ASSAULTED HIS MOTHER, PUNCHED AND KICKED HER CAR, THEN THREATENED TO SMASH HER HEAD IN WITH A HAMMER. TOOK HER TO THE SHOP AND MADE HER BUY HIM BOOZE AND FAGS. CAME BACK LATER, BROKE INTO HIS MUM'S FLAT, TRASHED THE PLACE, ASSAULTED HER AGAIN AND SAID HE WAS GOING TO FUCKING KILL HER. LET OUT ON BAIL HE FURTHER ASSAULTED HIS MOTHER AGAIN IN AN ATTEMPT TO INTIMIDATE HER AND MAKE HER DROP THE CHARGES.

Click here to view original image


JORDANA DAVIDSON
LESBIAN RAPIST AND NONCE.

"CONTROLLING AND OBSESSIVE" SHE TRICKED YOUNG GIRLS INTO BELIEVING SHE WAS MALE. SHE OBTAINED CONSENT TO PHYSICAL INTIMACY BY FRAUD.

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MATTHEW RAWLINSON
COMPLETE SWINE.
PREVIOUS CONVICTIONS FOR CRIMINAL DAMAGE.

HELD HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND HOSTAGE FOR 12 HOURS AND SUBJECTED HER TO A TERRIFYING ORDEAL OF TORTURE. CONSTANTLY PUNCHED HER FACE AND BODY THROUGHOUT THE 12 HOURS, THREW HER DOWNSTAIRS, CUT OFF HER HAIR WITH CLIPPERS AND REPEATEDLY CUT HER WITH A MACHETE DRAWING BLOOD EACH TIME; THREATENED HER WITH AN AIRGUN, FIRING IT SEVERAL TIMES INDOORS.

Click here to view original image


Aaaaaaaaaand let's see how our contestants fared. Remember: It's just for fun.

Coops: Chose Matthew Rawlinson as the date for the love of his life. Needless to say, she was inconsolable after her ordeal; terrified, bald, battered, bruised and all chopped up. She is now anxious all the time and afraid of being on her own. Feels that Coops chose Rawlinson out of spite and sexual frustration. Moved back in with her mother and father.

Latex Zebra: Chose Stephen Roberts as the date for the love of his life. LZ was beaten and thrown out of the house by Roberts at the start of the siege. Afterwards Police found rohypnol in LZ's room and incriminating messages on a dance forum where he boasted of drugging and raping his housemate. LZ is currently under investigation, his housemate has moved out and cut all ties.

Pieman: Chose Jordana as the date for the love of his life, and we all know how that ended. His distraught housemate needed long term counselling, was advised to cut off all contact with Pieman as he had previously stated to other people that Jordana looked like a butch lesbian, leading his housemate to suspect he knew the truth all along and was hoping for a kinky threesome. His former housemate remains sexually confused to this day and now resides in Leeds. Mitigation: Pieman pointed out that Matthew Rawlinson looked like a 'roid head; gut instinct told him Jordana was a butch lesbian - yet again demonstrating his promising understanding of the basic tenets behind Criminal Anthropology.

Janie Mac: On her recommendation the housemate goes on three or four dates with Gareth Roberts which go very well, he is charming, polite and considerate. One day however, he suddenly stops returning her calls, is never at home and seems to have vanished off the face of the earth. Her housemate, distraught at this callous treatment seeks comfort in Janie's arms and soon realises that Janie is the reliable, caring and loving partner she has been looking for all along.

Star Janie strolls in late to class having done no coursework, no homework or attended any of the lectures yet intuitively picks out the least rotten egg in a clutch of bad eggs. Beginners luck or a natural talent? Either way, WELL DONE to the winner of this thread!

Kerb: Applauds the raising of the theory of Criminal Anthropology profile in the public eye but asks "Is it inherently unethical to treat real lives as spectacle?" A question that is easy to ask but difficult to answer...

Earlier episodes of
Mexican Wave
"YOU ARE THE..."
can be found here:
#1 THE INVESTOR

Bury head in sandFor players who are new to the Theory of Criminal Anthropology, [where have you been?] here are some crib notes:

Anthropological criminology is the study of humans and criminals, based on links between the nature of the crime and the appearance of the offender. According to this theory the following details are some of the indicators of a habitual criminal:

Beaky nose; surly lips; a monobrow; excessive vanity; carefully ironed jeans; a sloping forehead.

Scratches Chin

The housemate was played by Dr. Carina Tyrell - Miss Cambridgeshire 2014, Beach Beauty 2015, Beauty with a Purpose top fundraiser 2015, Photographers Choice of Model 2015, 3rd. place in Miss World 2015. Graduated from Cambridge gaining a first class degree and a number of distinctions. She is now a fully qualified and practising doctor.
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though i spend my time in ashes and smoke
in this whole wide world there's no happier bloke

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Old Post03-05-2018 12:47 PM
Guile is offline   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 15057 - Threads: 341
Location: London



Poll Winner!
2016
óò
Winner
KING CON
Joint Winner
Day Party - Alumni
Honourable Mention
Tune - Mind Shift - Luke Warner and Latex Zebra
Winner
DJ
Winner
Resident DJ
Winner
Party Animal
Winner
Club Night - Zoology 15

Quote:
Guile wrote on 03-05-2018 01:47 PM

Latex Zebra: Chose Stephen Roberts as the date for the love of his life. LZ was beaten and thrown out of the house by Roberts at the start of the siege. Afterwards Police found rohypnol in LZ's room and incriminating messages on a dance forum where he boasted of drugging and raping his housemate. LZ is currently under investigation, his housemate has moved out and cut all ties.




I'm never going to get my own US TV Crime Procedural at this rate.

Quote:
Guile wrote on 03-05-2018 01:47 PM

Janie Mac: On her recommendation the housemate goes on three or four dates with Gareth Roberts which go very well, he is charming, polite and considerate. One day however, he suddenly stops returning her calls, is never at home and seems to have vanished off the face of the earth. Her housemate, distraught at this callous treatment seeks comfort in Janie's arms and soon realises that Janie is the reliable, caring and loving partner she has been looking for all along.

Star Janie strolls in late to class having done no coursework, no homework or attended any of the lectures yet intuitively picks out the least rotten egg in a clutch of bad eggs. Beginners luck or a natural talent? Either way, WELL DONE to the winner of this thread!






Fuck Janie Mac... She can't fucking waltz in here as a girl and pick a guy... She is in tuned to this kind of thing because she has a beaver and men... Stuff!

I'm off to Facebook to unfriend her now.



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Old Post03-05-2018 14:41 PM
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Coops

Registered: Jul 2003
Posts: 18545 - Threads: 513
Location:

The lady deserved to get raped and tortured for putting me in the friend zone in the first place. Fuck her, she is damaged goods now anyway.



I've got chickens in my back yard

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Old Post03-05-2018 16:01 PM
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Hahahahahahaha

though i spend my time in ashes and smoke
in this whole wide world there's no happier bloke

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Old Post03-05-2018 18:24 PM
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