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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy
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Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Difficulty level:HARD
You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:
Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"
Contains offensive and despicable content that is too controversial and too FUCKING AWESOME for children. The stark, ugly, profound truths KING CON and associated spin offs exposes may be soul crushing to the weak of spirit. If you allow a child to read this thread you are a bad parent or guardian. Contains strong action violence and sexualised posing.
Ready?
Well let's play:
KING CON
Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?
Each episode will give you choices to make, relying not only your Criminal Anthropology skill sets you will have to lie, bribe, cheat, intimidate, claw, gouge, shank and strangle your way to the top of the shit heap.
CAN YOU BECOME:
KING CON
Previously...
......You blagged your way onto the Vulnerable Prisoners Unit and shanked one of those pedo's right the fuck up. You then framed one of the prison arseholes for the stabbing. You recruited some cronies to enforce your will and cover your back. You coerced a screw into bringing your gear into prison. You banged one of the Cat A mad bitches on the woman's wing. You organised a hostage situation to take the heat off your team to get mad quantities of gear in. You know everything there is to know about every fucker in the nick AND you're banging the Governors secretary!
Go you, you mad bastard.
KING CON
THE FINAL MISSION
NOBODY CAN GIVE YOU FREEDOM
IF YOU ARE A MAN
YOU JUST TAKE IT
Prison was a laugh for a while, you actually even enjoyed yourself.
But it's over now.
Time to go.
Nobody has ever escaped from H.M.P. HaFa Towers before.
But then you have never been incarcerated here before.
You are a man who can do whatever he fucking likes, even if incarcerated in a high security prison. This brings you RESPECT, from both lags and many of the screws, because you are the prison TOP DOG. Thing is you're a big fish in a small pond, tbh you've had enough of this place and that old fucker Fulton Mackay and it's time to really rattle the bars and shake them loose.
You've put the word around that you want out and anyone with a credible escape plan is to come and see you. If it's any good you will be going along with them and aid them all you can.
Pick out the best escape plan from the dross and yes, you'll be the man, dog!
Nominate one of the following goons as your escape partner from H.M.P. HaFa Towers. Your escape will take place this Friday. Be the most successful escapee and rack up multiple RESPECT points.
As is your due.
Ready?
DON'T GET CAUGHT!
Well, let's play:
KING CON
Whose escape plan are you going with:
GEORGE
"Firstly, thank you for taking the time to see me. My plan is of course a simple one, working to Keep It Simple. I've made a rope ladder with knitting needles for the rungs. I can understand your amusement, but I'm using really thick needles and I've tested a 20' bit and it really does work.
I've taken three years to collect the needles, so the authorities have no idea I have them. I got the rope from the Gym skips, they cut all the ropes to 6'' pieces but my former cell mate was in the Royal Navy and has managed to splice it all back together into an excellent and serviceable rope.
What? Oh he had a stroke I'm afraid and passed over.
My wife's brother has fitted a VW combi van out with a secret compartment, plenty of room for two. But there's my problem, he's 67, got a bad heart and can't handle any stress.
I need you to organise a driver, someone you trust to pick the van up, wait outside the walls for us, then drive us up north, couple of hours maximum, then drive us, still hidden of course onto the ferry over to the Hook.
Once in Europe, we can stretch our legs, and actually move about quite freely and it's a lot easier to sort future plans out. You can carry on with us if you like, my wife will be waiting for me over there, we're going across Europe taking out time; or you can strike out on your own.
My plan will work, I promise you.
Please consider my offer"
RON
"You're gonna think I'm a crazy guy, but I swear Perro Grande thissa one is gonna work. My squeeze, Carlita, she coma in and she gots bermuda shorts on under her skirt and a double cardigan and two blouses yeah.
Hot? Hahahaha Perro Grande you make a joke. Si, she is hot. Anyways, she giva me the outer layer, an a how you call it? Whig, si, si a whig, and some make up, from her bag, and out we walk out with all the other bitches when visiting is over.
My sistah, she will come in for you. Oh Perro Grande, she will melt your heart, those curves, long black hair, sexy smile, beeg eyes and her smooth skeeen!
Mmmmm.
My plan she will work, I seen it, they don't count the bitches in or out, never, always too busy looking at their teets and arses you know? Wha' you say huh? My problem is we have nothing outside, you unnerstand? I needs a leetle bit of money from you please Señor, when we get out and thats it, we say adiós.
Por favor Perro Grande, I beg you."
JOHN
Respect Goven'r. Have you got five minutes?
I've heard about you, it's no secret you're a tasty geezer and fair to your lads. I'll lay my cards on the table, I'm getting on yeah, but I'm old school. Loyal. These kids today, I dunno they're just all fucked up in the head from that skunk.
I'm inside cos I used a double barreled pump on a snidey geezer in Hackney, Plod said the shooter I used was a sawn off, I said nah, it was a just a gun that had very short barrels.
I never ratted, plod offered me allsorts for info on who ordered the hit. Fuck that. Because of that I've been inside since the mid 70's, and I've fucking had enough it's like a nut house in here nowadays.
Get to the fucking point I hear you say.
Okay, I've been spending my time in the gym as you do, and over the years, that netting shit people climb up? It eventually gets shredded and then they skip it, wholesale.
Well I've been dipping that skip non-stop and saving it. I've got this little stash place in the roof of the gym no-one knows about. I can get us up onto the roof of the gym, I've got enough netting now to make a ladder that goes over the main wall and down the other side - the fucking street!
If you organise the transport and driver. It's taken me years to collect this stuff and I've done a cracking job of making the ladder. If you could sort the ride? I won't ever let you down.
Thank you for listening and I hope to find approval from you. Your good will means a lot to me."
"JUMPING JIMMY FLASH"
"Or'rite big dog lah. Am bright into this parkhoer lark and ay tinnie get yous up ter speed nah mess'n like. Yous wa' wack? Obviously we'll tickle one o' de bussies tergether,'uv a blind bit o' a tuck wi' dat twat mackay perhaps? Make 'im winge lol, graft 'im back, we'll be charged wi' unlawful imprisonment n'dat, dun we bowl up in de dock tergether before some beak ter gerra batti ed de fuck'n wrist.
Now den.
Swear down gaffer, ay tinnie avyer leap'n from de dock like a jack in de fuck'n box and we'll be away ed us teres n'dat. Am tell'n yous!
'Onest ter god i've done this before, dead, it wuz in Bewthill cot and that's why dee call me jump'n jimmy. Swear down, ay jumped from de dock, straight over me briefs barnet, and de bussies juss stewd around fuck'n amazed duh! Bunch o' soft lads and divvies, while ay bailed. I've gorra clipp'n from de echo in me cell about it.
If youe tinnie organise a ride and gizza £500 whun we're clear; Am easy peasy ay tinnie get out anywhuz. I'll show yous a couple o' me techniques. Faultless it is, explosive power us'n de natal responses o' yer body. We tinnie flex some moves in de gym over de 'orse like. Awww, come 'ead. Juss graft it a bowl gaffer. Come ahead. you've nowt ter lewse, deffo we'll be spidermun!"
JAMES
"Respect Big Dog. I know you're the man, we've never spoken but I'd like a chance to speak openly and with candour to you. I've got a proposal, if you've got 5 minutes.
Thank you.
I'm serious about getting out, not like the other numpties I've seen blathering at you with their pie in the sky. I'm no time-waster. I've got a way out all sorted bar one thing. Only you can sort that out, give me it and I'll give you the way out.
I need a diamond tipped cutting tool.
Get it flown in here on a drone. Listen please. The bars on my cell, they're not like all the others. The spacing is off. I only need to cut one bar, and we're out on the roof. I've worked it all out, we can be over the roof straight to the front wall, there's a CCTV pole there, we tie some sheets around that and woosh we're on the out, and my fam will be waiting there with a fast car, or your fam if you like?
Yeah, the screws look in the cell at night, good point. I've thought of that though, I've made these papier mache heads in Art, all painted up, we put them in the beds, shove a few pillows under the blankets, and it really looks like you're in bed sleeping.
Then we barricade the doors with the furniture and that'll give us at least 12 hours head start. They won't open the doors till 0900 and then they'll have to bash their way into our cell, it'll buy us a load of time.
I've tested the heads, I've hidden under the bed and the screws looked in through the peephole and just carried on. Done that loads of times.
The cutting tool is like a big dremmel. Twice my guys have tried flying one in, the first one they were seen and fucking chased, nearly got caught; the second time some other cunt found it before me and I never heard anything about it. Don't know where that went. If the screws see one of them they'll go ape. Only you can get one in.
My plan is the best plan you'll hear honest. Guaranteed. For example, I bet nobody else has thought of buying all that extra running time? It will make all the difference.
We can show those fuckers big dog, we really can."
DANNY
"Howay Big Dog. Please come ower te me cell anytime an yee can see what I've been doing... Errr, this? Ah waakt into leik a door."
Later on...
"Come in, thank yee thank yee. See, me scratcha is in the corner there an the leg of me chair comes reet off yeah? Slide the scratcha oot and! Boom! A geet walla hole. It goes reet through the wall almost, it's abaht te gan doon. Hev a decko - that's there!
I've got aal the rubble in me cupboard haha an Ah stott the rest oot o the winda. Also, I've got at least 30' of rope an' aal frem aad sheets. I've thowt of everyfing.
Noo, iffen yee can organise a bit of cash an tha on the ootseid fre me, wi could haddaway this neet. Aah yeah, I've used me nappa an wi just put sheets an bricks in the scratcha an the screws think we're still heor. I'se a canny lad alreet as me aad gadgie used te syah."
DAZ
"Good to talk sir, good to talk. I'm a time served brickie, I know about bricks, and that's what this place is made of. The bricks they used to build this shitehole are Victorian, from the London Brick Company, one of the first manufacturers ever to make their bricks wif machines.
They were as hard as fuck when they were new, but over the years some of them well, they've degraded. P'raps you've seen it in old houses yerself? Soaponification it's called. They go like sponges inside. I was clearing slums in the East End see and I recognised these bricks as the exact same ones used there, they're what's called brindles and buffs made about 1894, exactly the fucking same. My cell must be an outer wall, the damp over the years has seeped into them and collected at the centre.
Now I know anyone can chip fru these, but they always get caught, cos it's like in those war movies when they dig tunnels to escape. What do you do with the all crap? That's what gives it all away, and these walls are like 5 or 6 foot thick, that's about 6 ordinary brick walls all built an crossed into each other. A fucking LOT of crap. And the dust!
Now, if, you're strong, know what you're doing and you got the knack you can smash fru 30 cemented bricks in a minute. I can get fru a five foot wall of these in 90 minutes, it's even less if they've got soaponification.
If you can organise the transport on the out, I'll get us both out before midnight, just say the word. I'm your man. Really."
Prison: It was actually fucking good fun for a while but now the novelty has gone.
So who are you going to run with?
Remember: These guys crimes are real.
For you and me?
It's just for fun
FINAL WEEK!
WHO WILL BE THE
KING CON
The GREAT REVEAL IS ONLY ON HaFa
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 27-09-2018 20:06 PM |
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