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HarderFaster Forums >> General Mayhem >> YOU ARE THE...CRIMINAL MASTERMIND

 
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Mexican Wave
"YOU ARE THE..."

Brought to you by the makers of the popular hafa thread series:

Badoom tish!
"WHAT'S MY CRIME?"


This series of threads will put you in different situations were you must use your Criminal Anthropology skill set to achieve success.

In this week's episode...

Mexican Wave Mexican Wave

"YOU ARE THE... CRIMINAL MASTERMIND"


Bank robbers.
They used to be the royalty of the criminal underworld. Back in the day, robbing banks was easy, a "caper" even.

Class Notes:

WILLIE SUTTON, born 1901 died 1980.
40 years a bank robber stole over $2,000,000

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NEVER SAID:
"I ROB BANKS BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY IS".

HE ACTUALLY SAID:
"I ROB BANKS BECAUSE I ENJOY IT. I LOVE IT. I'M MORE ALIVE WHEN I'M INSIDE A BANK ROBBING IT, THAN AT ANY OTHER TIME IN MY LIFE."

Spent more than half his adult life behind bars.
WHAT A DICKHEAD.


Robbing banks, indeed the whole face of crime has changed.

You are "Mister X" a criminal mastermind. A shadowy figure in the background organising armed crime. As a businessman you understand that crime is an economic activity like any other: it has its profits, its losses, its risks, and its returns.

MISTER X

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Pinky ring and white cat optional.


In these modern times you seek unauthorised access to databases because that's where the data is. And data is the new currency. Using the darknet and a bespoke programme called THUGnot4LIFE over the years you have recruited, organised and broken up several teams of specialists. One team for jewellery heists, another for robbing footballers mansions and so on. You never actually "go on a job".

You are a 21st. century criminal.

You know successful criminals study econometrics. Statistics can help in all walks of life. Aaaaaaaand statistics show that criminals get caught, they also demonstrate that criminals are habitually stupid. Criminals have a modus operandi, that the police use to catch them.

The successful modern criminal never gets his hands dirty and never gets stuck in a criminal rut a.k.a. modus operandi. Gifted amateurs make the best criminals because Criminal Anthropology shows habitual career criminals are, to be blunt about it: THICK.

The current Team Charlie is responsible for 3 bank heists so far, the members are working well together and have netted you several million pounds profit with no risk to yourself.

You use encrypted communications to pass on instructions, dead letter boxes to pass hard cash, guns, body armour etc and other real life items around and use bitcoins etc to pay your employees.

This is their last job before you abandon them and cut all ties with them forever, before some smart alec copper susses the M.O., the team starts bragging or living beyond their means.

In 24 hours Team Charlie is due to pull a heist at a private bank in Knightsbridge. Team Charlie comprises a hacker, a spotter, a team leader, two shooters and a driver.

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You hear from the team leader that the driver has had a serious accident at home doing d.i.y. over the bank holiday weekend.

You are unwilling to abandon this job so late in the day but find yourself needing a driver who is unknown to the police and able to boost a vehicle suitable for the job and outdrive any potential pursuit. You know at this late stage most of the replacements will be thick as pig shit criminals and unsuitable for any of your capers.

Using your Criminal Anthropology skill set can you pick out the gifted amateur who wants to do a bank job for the thrills, out of the usual sad selection of scofflaws and dead beats who dream of robbing banks because they are good at Grand Theft Auto?

Ready? You fire up your computer and start browsing mug shots looking for the non-criminal...

Aaaaaaaaaaand lets play:

Mexican Wave Mexican Wave

"YOU ARE THE... CRIMINAL MASTERMIND"


DANNY

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EMYR

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SHAUN

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DAN

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JONATHON

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RAY

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Remember: It's just for fun.

I will publish the results of everyone's choice of driver next week.

Earlier episodes of
Mexican Wave
"YOU ARE THE..."
can be found here:
#1 THE INVESTOR
#2 THE BEST FRIEND
#3 THE DRUG DEALER

Bury head in sandFor players who are new to the Theory of Criminal Anthropology, [where have you been?] here are some crib notes:

Anthropological criminology is the study of humans and criminals, based on links between the nature of the crime and the appearance of the offender. According to this theory the following details are common in all criminals:

Lumps and unusual bumps on cranium; northern accent; elongation of the coccyx; carefully ironed jeans; long arms, baldness.

Scratches Chin

This whole world is out there just trying to score
I've seen enough I don't want to see any more.

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Old Post01-06-2018 13:16 PM
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voodoobass
a table, mes enfants...

Registered: Sep 2003
Posts: 33900 - Threads: 985
Location: somewhere else

I'm looking at either Danny or Shaun. Why? Because none of the others look like they would have the modern tech skills to be able to locate and steal a modern, fast car capable of pulling off this kind of job i.e. AMG Mercedes, Audi S line or Golf R.
It needs to be the sort of car that will blend in with most traffic, fit 4 adult passengers, go very fast, and have AWD so it is able to outhandle most police vehicles.

Stealing it will mean locating one via the Internet or staking out an owner's club meet.
Then you need to find out where the car is stored, and purchase equipment to intercept the keyless entry frequencies, since nowadays modern luxury cars can be taken and driven away without a key! Then they will need to find the insurance tracker on the vehicle before it is used on the job, or the game will be up.

Choosing between the two is hard though. Danny looks like he's the likely candidate to have the IT skills but also has probably never driven anything with more than 50cc. Plus his youth will mark him out at the club meets, unless he can pretend to be a Grime producer or something. Shaun, on the other hand, looks like he has plenty of experience weaving through home-time traffic on the M25 in a financed Audi and would definitely blend in at the meets.
I did briefly consider Dan but he looks like he will either crack under pressure or start shooting hostages for no reason.

The other three chaps would be ideal if we were talking old Jags and double-barrel sawn-offs but I doubt any of them have the finesse to steal a new C63 AMG without drawing a lot of attention.

So I'm going to go for Danny and hope that his GTA skills are enough to stop him from crashing the getaway car.

soundcloud.com/voodoobass
mixcloud.com/voodoobass

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Old Post01-06-2018 17:12 PM
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pieman

Registered: Mar 2013
Posts: 2532 - Threads: 4
Location:

Shaun and Dan look like the only two who haven't done any serious bird. However, Dan also has a a bit of the smug corporate thief look about him, while Shaun also seems to have a smugness that possibly belies his apparent innocence and tends to suggest he may belong in the pedo nonce thread. Tough call, but I'm going with Shaun as he looks *slightly* less oily than Dan.

The rest of them look like they need the key throwing away.

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Old Post02-06-2018 08:17 AM
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Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

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Ooh. Two people with Dan in their names... I feel this is a lead on.

Lets take them one at a time.

Danny - Looks like scrawny whelk but I reckon the little cunt has a crack habit to feed and knows his way around both sides of the counter at The Halifax.

Emyr - If there was competition for looking like a bank robber... This guy would win it. This is why he is NOT A BANK ROBBER

Shaun - He's a fucking ringer. Looks wet but reckon he held up Barclays with a Cucumber, liked it so much he did it again.

Dan - I'm embarrassed to share my name with such a cockle... But he's legit.

Jonathan - Again... Looks so blatantly criminal it's hard not to question if he is actually a cat rapist... I reckon he does both.

Ray - Looks like he would sell you dodgy life insurance but also would be the man to set up a crew to rob Metro Bank.

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Old Post04-06-2018 07:21 AM
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Matt
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[Edited by Matt on 04-06-2018 17:58 PM]

Shaun and Dan look too neat and tidy to be criminals, best hope is they're wannabes who might be good at GTA but don't have the required criminal instinct to be effective bank robbers.

Emyr and Jonathon are hard men, Emyr would look very out of place waiting in the getaway car. Reserving a vote on Jonathon, he might have what we need.

Ray looks like he'd fit right in with the Kensington set, but that graze on his head doesn't fill me with confidence.

Danny is the dark horse, reminds me of Baby Driver so I'm going for him.

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Old Post04-06-2018 09:52 AM
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danj
there is no spoon

Registered: Mar 2005
Posts: 18374 - Threads: 785
Location: Omnipresent

Quote:
Latex Zebra wrote on 04-06-2018 08:21 AM

Ooh. Two people with Dan in their names... I feel this is a lead on.

Lets take them one at a time.

Danny - Looks like scrawny whelk but I reckon the little c**t has a crack habit to feed and knows his way around both sides of the counter at The Halifax.

Emyr - If there was competition for looking like a bank robber... This guy would win it. This is why he is NOT A BANK ROBBER

Shaun - He's a f*****g ringer. Looks wet but reckon he held up Barclays with a Cucumber, liked it so much he did it again.

Dan - I'm embarrassed to share my name with such a cockle... But he's legit.

Jonathan - Again... Looks so blatantly criminal it's hard not to question if he is actually a cat rapist... I reckon he does both.

Ray - Looks like he would sell you dodgy life insurance but also would be the man to set up a crew to rob Metro Bank.



His name isn't Darren Scratches Chin


(¬_/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

HF2 - coming soon!

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Old Post04-06-2018 13:57 PM
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Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 15057 - Threads: 341
Location: London



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2016
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Winner
KING CON
Joint Winner
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Winner
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Winner
Club Night - Zoology 15

Quote:
danj wrote on 04-06-2018 02:57 PM

His name isn't Darren Scratches Chin



Neither is mine you fucking clam.

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Old Post04-06-2018 14:28 PM
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danj
there is no spoon

Registered: Mar 2005
Posts: 18374 - Threads: 785
Location: Omnipresent

Quote:
Latex Zebra wrote on 04-06-2018 03:28 PM

Quote:
danj wrote on 04-06-2018 02:57 PM

His name isn't Darren Scratches Chin



Neither is mine you f*****g clam.



Sorry, his name's not "Darren f*****g Nugget".

Better?

Scratches Chin



(¬_/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

HF2 - coming soon!

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Old Post04-06-2018 15:06 PM
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