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HarderFaster Forums >> General Mayhem >> KING CON - Episode 1: Dog eat dog

 
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Difficulty level:2


You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:

Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

The people named and their crimes as detailed in this thread are real. They have all been found guilty in court. On occasions jurors have deliberated over the evidence. In each case, a judge has decided their crimes are so serious that only a custodial sentence will suffice. The scenario covered in this thread may be offensive or disturbing to some readers. It is a work of fiction and for educational purposes only. No identification with places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No person or entity associated with this thread received payment or anything of value, or entered into any agreement, in connection with the depiction of tobacco products. No animals were harmed in the making of this thread.

Ready?
Well let's play:


KING CON


Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?


Each episode will give you choices to make, relying not only your Criminal Anthropology skill sets you will have to lie, bribe, cheat, intimidate, claw, gouge, shank and strangle your way to the top of the shit heap.


CAN YOU BECOME:

KING CON


"Prisoner 13, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual criminal who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner. We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences — you will go to prison for ten years."

You've just arrived in H.M.P. Hafa Towers, and because you went down for armed robbery, you are considered to be one of the aristocracy of the prison population, but that isn't good enough for you.

You know you're just another fucking n00b. Yeah OK you've been getting stuck in and helping out with fitness and gym, but that isn't enough...


You NEED to be TOP DOG


You decide to establish yourself as the meanest mother fucker in the mother fucking place.

To start your rule of terror and make your name in this shit-hole you've used your blagging skills, some fast talking and an oz of snout to steal a knife from the kitchen and bluff your way onto the nonce's wing. You're going to slice up a LIST 99


You want to shank up a real monster


but because you're so new you don't know who the fuck is who.

There is no right or wrong answer, you need to draw on the knowledge life has given you and all you have learned from the last two terms of your course in Criminal Anthropology. Each decision you make will earn you RESPECT points. These points added together will determine the winner of each episode. At the series end the highest scoring convict becomes...


KING CON


Not everyone on the Vulnerable Persons Unit is a beast, it will also have snowflakes, wallies and other 'at risk' types. But, anyone choosing to be apart from the rest of the prison population will be suspected of being STRANGE.

Birds of a feather and all that.

With no access to VISOR using only your Criminal Anthropology skills to guide you can you pick out the lowest of the low, the real depraved monster from the following beasts and hobbits?

Aaaaaand then go and shank that motherfucker right up!

Ready? Let's play:

KING CON


CARL



JOBE



LEE



IAN



MARTIN



SIMON



Remember: It's just for fun Wink

NOW SHANK THAT BEAST!



KING CON

I will publish the results nest week.

Pro-tip: BE CAREFUL NOT TO BECOME A MONSTER WHEN DEALING WITH MONSTERS.



This whole world is out there just trying to score
I've seen enough I don't want to see any more.

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Old Post02-08-2018 08:55 AM
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Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 15057 - Threads: 341
Location: London



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I feel slightly limited by only being able to pick one.
Only one is a nonce sure... But the others are all in jail and they're all fucking guilty of something.

Carl looks like he is part of the KKK or some shit.

Jobe looks just about divvy enough to fuck kids.

Lee... Yeah he looks pretty noncey. TBH I'd shank that cunt because I don't like the look of him.

Ian just screams nonce, but then also screams mentally ill guy who killed a family with his lorry by accident.

Martin and Simon both look kind of normal. Which is a fucking alarm bell.


Fuck this is tough... I choose to shank... Jobe.


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Old Post02-08-2018 10:40 AM
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Only enough time to shank one and get away before the screws turn up.

Most of the prisoners on Vulnerable Persons Unit want to be apart from the rest of the prison population because they are either ex coppers, beasts or snowflakes.

The first two classes of persons are most certainly viable targets


Click here to view original image


This whole world is out there just trying to score
I've seen enough I don't want to see any more.

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Old Post02-08-2018 11:13 AM
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5709

Registered: Jul 2003
Posts: 37053 - Threads: 2585
Location:

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Redeeming

[Edited by 5709 on 02-08-2018 12:32 PM]

[Edited by 5709 on 02-08-2018 12:35 PM]

"Excuse me Carl, would you mind babysitting the girls?" is something you're unlikely to hear, if we assume the Catweazel look is indicative of deviant behaviour. But Carl is pillar of the community. He's been nicked for stealing the church money in a moment of madness.

Jobe looks too startled. If you're noncing, surely being arrested at some point wouldn't come as too much of a surprise. Jobe is an Eastern European who has been arrested as part of the European Arrest Warrant because he is a drug dealer on the run, and has grassed up his gang in order to get a lighter sentence.

Then we come to Lee. Lee will have struggled gaining sexual partners through his life, that's evident, and so targeting children could have been his path in life. But he's a clever man. He will have been arrested for fraud, forgery, or some other crime that needs thinking and planning.

And now Ian. He's a murdering bastard. He slayed his wife in a drunken brawl. The rate of domestic murders in this country is off the scale, and Ian is just another statistic in this sad phenomenon. A once normal family guy gone bad.

Martin is a smug cunt. He's pissed in the picture because he's blown 84 and he's just smashed his car into another one. He's a drink driver is Martin.

And here we finally come to the actual real recipient of my rusty, trusty, shank. Simon. Simon is the nonce. Nonces are notorious for wanting noteriaty and respect from other nonces, so he's posted a picture, probably from a far Eastern hot spot, where he had travelled in order to target the local children. He thinks he's untouchable and free to do what he wants.

Simon gets the blade. Simon is the nonce.



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Old Post02-08-2018 11:22 AM
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wykah
What would Macgyver do?

Registered: Jul 2005
Posts: 8036 - Threads: 437
Location: Hackbridge, Surrey

Lee, no reason other than going on gut.

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Old Post02-08-2018 18:44 PM
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Quin.
???

Registered: Oct 2010
Posts: 33316 - Threads: 426
Location: london

[Edited by Quin. on 03-08-2018 16:47 PM]

Tough call...

Carl looks like Jake The Snakes weird brother but doesn't seem noncey, perhaps an anarchist who grow weed.

Jobe - I'd fuck him up just to not have to look at him again, he reeks of wrong.

Lee - Too obvious, surely? looks like he'd lure them in with comics and computer games, probably in for robbing grannies.

Ian - possibly... but i don't think he has what it takes to be a nonce, he looks terrified.

Martin - I always wondered what slink looked like with hair.

Simon - looks like he would sell you shit drugs and wank into his mums underwear, definitely a wron'un but is he the one?

Between Lee and Jobe really, I'll pick Jobe as he just looks like he needs merking.

"1984 was not supposed to be an instruction manual"

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Old Post03-08-2018 15:46 PM
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voodoobass
a table, mes enfants...

Registered: Sep 2003
Posts: 33900 - Threads: 985
Location: somewhere else

I would assert my authority by shanking all of them.

soundcloud.com/voodoobass
mixcloud.com/voodoobass

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Old Post04-08-2018 15:19 PM
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space
thynic and thkeptic

Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 19569 - Threads: 1184
Location:

Hmm..

Carl - looks 50 but he's probably 30, he lives life all wrong and his face is paying the price. with that hair he has no job, so he went down for a smash and grab for cigarettes at the local offie.

Jobe - (Who the f**k calls their kid Jobe?) dumb as a grape, with a round head to match. He got confused on the way to the donut shop and rode his bike into some hedge fund manager's merc, now he's paying the price, for life.

Lee - lazy eye, super creepy jacket, goatee... probably works in IT, and DEFINITELY the mloesterer.
He gets the shank

Ian - looks like weenie alright, I wouldn't put it past him.. but why is someone snapping him getting nicked? Reckon he was some sort of fixer for Amy Winehouse got caught in a daily mail sting.

Martin - He's not after kids, he is looking so smug cos he just shagged his mum

Simon - he's a DJ. I can totally understand how the two crimes could get confused..

Yay but watch out for that piano

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Old Post04-08-2018 16:03 PM
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