Guile
A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy
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Hi, and a warm welcome back to:
"YOU ARE THE..."
Brought to you by the makers of the popular hafa thread series:
"WHAT'S MY CRIME?"
This series of threads will put you in different situations were you must use your Criminal Anthropology skill set to achieve success.
In this week's episode...
"YOU ARE THE... DRUG DEALER"
Being a good drug dealer takes skills that are useful in any professional environment: social skills, initiative, discipline, and being able to tell at a glance if somebody is about to buy a shitload of drugs, or if they are UNDERCOVER COPS.
PRO TIP:
Typical undercover copMARK KENNEDY
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OBVIOUSLY A TRYING TOO HARD UNDERCOVER POLICEMAN
SOMEHOW SPENT 7 YEARS UNDERCOVER, COMMITTED ARSON, ACTED AS AN AGENT PROVOCATEUR, INITIATED LONG TERM MEANINGFUL FRIENDSHIPS, ALSO MULTIPLE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS - THE LATTER CLEARLY UNDER FALSE PRETENCES a.k.a. RAPE.
PRO TIP:
Typical drug purchaserCARL NEVILLE WILLIAMS
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BLACK MAMBA ADDICT, HEROIN ADDICT, ALCOHOLIC, 47 PREVIOUS CONVICTIONS, BANNED FROM LOCAL SHOPS, EXCEPT THE CHEMISTS AND THE POST OFFICE.
You of course are no drug dealer, but like everyone else in the modern world you have a friend who has a friend...
Early doors one morning at low tide you are giving your S.U.V. a workout on the beach; enjoying the solitude, being in nature blah blah blah when you notice a holdall sitting on the sands. Then you see another, and another and then a whole pile of them. You stop the vehicle and investigate.
Inside each holdall are slabs sealed with clingfilm/plastic. You can make out some sort of picture under the plastic. You've got an idea what this is about, you quickly rush back to the car and get your penknife out and all excited you stab into one of the packages, just like in the movies...
A stream of white powder falls out of the hole. Just like in the movies...
Against all HR advice you put a small dab on your gum. It goes numb. You insufflate some.
WOWZA WOWZA WOWZA! Rocket Fuel! THE BEST COKE YOU'VE [N]EVER HAD!!!
You look around, the beach is still deserted. You can't tell how many holdalls there are, but it's A MOUNTAIN! You start stacking them in the back of your S.U.V.
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Time passes, you're getting out of breath and you can see your S.U.V. is sitting low; the tide is coming in and in the distance you can see people on the beach walking your way. There is still more of the holdalls lying around than you've loaded into the S.U.V.
You decide you really don't want to be caught in this situation, reluctantly [and carefully as the vehicle is overloaded] you drive away.
Safely off the beach you text your friend "I'VE FOUND WILLY WONKA'S GOLDEN TICKET!" and arrange to meet him in his lockup. Using a set of bathroom scales he's bought specially from ARGOS you work out you are now the proud owner of some 243.75 kilos of primo Colombian cocaine - all nicely packaged for selling.
As your friend snorts yet another huge line of coke, he shakes his head, then passes you his phone and you squint to read:
>>>BREAKING NEWS<<<
About 360kg (793lbs) of cocaine has been found on Echo Beach, the National Crime Agency (NCA) said. A member of the public contacted Police having discovered an undisclosed number of holdalls containing packages of cocaine on Echo Beach.
The agency said the find would be a "major blow to the organised criminals involved."
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"OMG was you spotted?" your friend asks.
"Don't think so, unless they had binoculars..."
Friend: "LOOK HOW MUCH YOU LEFT BEHIND DUDE!"
"Fair play, look how much I got!" you riposte as you chop out another massive rail on the scale.
You decide you've got to move and move quickly. Your friend rings his friend and wheels are set in motion. A few hours later you are ensconced in a flat with a metal security door complete with spy hole, 240 kilo of product, 0.735 kilo of percy and a shooter.
Just like in the movies...
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...THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE BLOW BUSINESS, IT'S LIKE NO BUSINESS I KNOW...
Big time dealers have been given your location and you have been tipped that the Colombians [who own all the cocaine] will definitely be onto this address in 24 hours; nothing anyone can do about that as the Cartel has eyes and ears everywhere, but until then SELL SELL SELL then obviously get the hell out of there.
So far setting up this deal has cost you 3 kilos. Such is the nature of this business, you just know that someone, somewhere, will surely tell the cops about you.
Just like in the movies...
In the next 24 hours there will be 7 or 8 callers each wanting to buy different amounts. One of them will be an undercover cop. Using your Criminal Anthropology skills you must spot the good guy amongst the criminals and refuse to sell them cocaine.
Turn away a dealer and you won't move all your product and out of spite they will tell the Colombians all about you and of course, your family. Let a cop into the flat to buy cocaine from you will not be immediately fatal but 14 years in the hole gives the cartel plenty of time to "touch" you and your loved ones.
Ready? There's a knock on the door, you go to the spyhole
Aaaaaaaaaaand lets play:
"YOU ARE THE... DRUG DEALER"
GEORGE
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PAUL
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KURT
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JAMES
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MARK
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FRANCES
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DWAYNE
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JAMES B.
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SHAWN
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 TALIBANDAN-Remember: It's just for fun.
I will publish the results of everyone's deals next week.
Earlier episodes of
"YOU ARE THE..."
can be found here:
#1 THE INVESTOR
#2 THE BEST FRIEND
 For players who are new to the Theory of Criminal Anthropology, [where have you been?] here are some crib notes:
Anthropological criminology is the study of humans and criminals, based on links between the nature of the crime and the appearance of the offender. According to this theory the following details are common in all criminals:
Wrinkles on forehead and face; large incisors; small or weak chin; protruding jug ears; carefully ironed jeans.
Sometimes she shines, and I know
Beauty has her way
With her looks and her grace
Beauty has her way
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18-05-2018 08:55 AM
