Guile
A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy
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Hi, and a warm welcome to the results of:
"YOU ARE THE... INVESTOR"
It's a hard task to get a top return on your money year after year, and those investors who manage to do so become celebrated.
But what about those who don't? Let's see...
Some of HaFa's students of Criminal Anthropology have recently received a cash legacy from a long lost maiden aunt and decided to INVEST it for their future. They duly put the word out and have been approached by six candidates each with what sound like sure fire winning schemes.
They used their Criminal Anthropology skill sets to pick out the best bet to invest their money, and made an informed choice in doing so.
But which one should they have INVESTED their £20,000.00 with?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand HERE WE GO!
Lets play:
"YOU ARE THE... INVESTOR"
WILLIAM ARTHUR STRINGFELLOW
FRAUDSTER.
THE MASTERMIND BEHIND A £700,000 SCAM IN WHICH "THE MARKS" WERE TRICKED INTO BELIEVING THEY WERE BUYING ADVERTS IN A MAGAZINE TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE EMERGENCY SERVICES. ONE MAGAZINE PER MARK WAS PRINTED. GAVE £5000 TO CHARITY AND TROUSERED THE REST. THE JUDGE POINTED OUT HE HAD PREVIOUS FORM FOR FRAUD.
A COMPLETE AND UTTER SHIT.
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HELEN HART
FRAUDSTER.
EMBEZZLED UP TO £700,000 FROM HER EMPLOYER. MAYBE MORE. LIVED A CHAMPAGNE LIFESTYLE FOR 6 YEARS. ENJOYED: PEARLS, DIAMONDS, GERMAN SPORTS CARS, HOLIDAYS, HOME IMPROVEMENTS, FINE WINES, SHAGGING YOUNG MEN. SHOWS NO REMORSE.
ONE FUCKING NASTY TART.
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JAMES HYWEL THOMAS
FRAUDSTER.
SON OF LIBERAL PEER LORD THOMAS OF GRESFORD, STEPMOTHER IS LIBERAL DEMOCRAT PEER LADY WALMSLEY, MASTERCHEF 2018 CONTESTANT. £65,000 FRAUD INVOLVING A SCAM ABOUT SELLING TICKETS FOR SPORTING EVENTS THAT DIDN'T EXIST. ALSO LEASED A MERCEDES ON SOME INNOCENT BIRDS CREDIT CARD.
A TYPICAL ARROGANT FAT CUNT.
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SAM ZELL.
WORLD CLASS INVESTOR AND BILLIONAIRE. NET WORTH AS AT 27th. APRIL 2018 IS $4.9 BILLION.
DIAMOND GEEZER.
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ANDREW SAUNDERS
FRAUDSTER.
BLEW £700,000 OF HIS EMPLOYERS MONEY ON A FLEET OF HARLEY DAVIDSON MOTORCYCLES, HOT TUBS, HOLIDAYS IN THE UNITED STATES AND OTHER LUXURIES.
ONE DEVIOUS, DELUDED TWAT.
Click here to view original image
DAVID JOHN WOODS
MURDERER.
STABBED HIS DRUG DEALING PARTNER OVER A DISPUTE ABOUT PERCENTAGES.
"I STABBED HIM MYSELF. I WANTED TO KILL THE KID. THAT'S WHY I'VE STABBED HIM. CARRIED ON STABBING HIM. IT WEREN'T HARD. I WHACKED THE KID RIGHT ON THE NOSE. AND AFTER THAT I JUST WENT BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! ALL THE WAY UP. I CAN ONLY REMEMBER STABBING HIM 7 TIMES THOUGH. WHERE THE FUCK THEY GOT 9 STAB WOUNDS FROM I DON'T KNOW."
A TRULY EVIL BASTARD.
Click here to view original image
Aaaaaaaaaand how did our investors fare when playing:
"YOU ARE THE... INVESTOR"
Latex Zebra:
Stabbed to death by a truly evil bastard over an argument about 2% of nett takings on his original investment.
Quin.:
Defrauded of every last penny he owns by one fucking nasty tart.
Coops:
Defrauded of every last penny he owns by a devious deluded twat.
Pieman:
Although overall he is HaFa's most distinguished student of Criminal Anthropology [if only he followed his gut instincts] he still managed to end up defrauded of every last penny he owns by a devious deluded twat.
A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR PLAYING:
"YOU ARE THE... INVESTOR"
Trailer for episode 2 "YOU ARE THE..." can be found here
 For players who are new to the Theory of Criminal Anthropology, [where have you been?] here are some crib notes:
Anthropological criminology is the study of humans and criminals, based on links between the nature of the crime and the appearance of the offender. According to this theory the following details are common in all criminals:
Large nostrils; wide, thinnish lips; deep set, beady eyes; large forehead; carefully ironed jeans; a thin neck and stubby toes.
though i spend my time in ashes and smoke
in this whole wide world there's no happier bloke
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24-04-2018 11:01 AM
