A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2599 - Threads: 64
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy
Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Difficulty level:Easy blud, easy
You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:
Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"
Contains offensive and despicable content that is too controversial and too FUCKING AWESOME for children. The stark, ugly, profound truths KING CON and associated spin offs exposes may be soul crushing to the weak of spirit. If you allow a child to read this thread you are a bad parent or guardian. Contains strong action violence and sexualised posing.
Well let's play:
Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?
Each episode will give you choices to make, relying not only your Criminal Anthropology skill sets you will have to lie, bribe, cheat, intimidate, claw, gouge, shag and strangle your way to the top of the shit heap.
CAN YOU BECOME:
Excuse me sir, I wonder if I could have a word you? I'm new here doing a double carpet for green and I'm having all my food, paper, toiletries and earnings taken from me from two Phil Mitchell wannabees. I know that's my problem but I can help you if you could help me?
"No offence son but what the fuck can you do for me?"
I can make you look like the dogs bollocks sir. I can sort out your slops so you look really dapper. I can take those trousers in, cut them around the leg, put buttons in the fly instead of these shitty zips, give them forward pleats for your comfort when sitting.
I would run you up some shirts made with giza cotton with a broad weave, my shirts would actually fit you. They'd have tasty portofino cuffs like you'd get in Jermyn Street or I can do French ones should you prefer; I'd make them with high armholes so the cuffs sit properly when you move your arms, they'd have concealed plackets to the front, removable collars or perhaps cutaways if you require; of course your shirts would all have pleats at the back for extra fullness.
[blinks three times]
I've got some lovely material I could make you a jacket from, much softer than official issue, I'd make that with on-trend 75° notched lapels, strongly tapered sides and minimal shoulder; jetted pockets, tasteful buttons, the sleeves would have surgeon's cuffs with the last two buttons stitched off-centre, so that the sleeve hangs more cleanly should you wish the buttons to be undone for some reason, I could even sort you out with some hidden pockets, my jackets would hang really well off your shoulders.
Of course all the buttonholes in your new wardrobe would be finished with a contrasting thread, it'd be good enough to wear on the out!
I've got some watered silk and I could run you up some socks, pockets squares with rolled hems and perhaps some pyjamas, everything would be monogrammed; honest to god I can make you look like what you are, the TOP DOG of this place.
All I want to do is easy time sir, I'm going straight when I get out. I've learnt my lesson. Your confidence and support would help me so much.
I've taken up enough of your time sir, I'll leave it with you. Thank you so much for listening, I appreciate you have many more pressing responsibilities.
If you want to help young Tink go straight, make sure you are at the commissary and have a quiet word with the two unaffiliated mugs that are troubling him, thereby letting the whole prison know Tink is your dog and not to be touched unless you say so.
Show everyone you've got a sensitive, caring, nurturing side, and look like the dogs bollocks
Or you could just throw the little cock under the bus, and keep dressing like a pigs ear
Please post a suitable smiley in this thread ONCE any day this week BEFORE Friday to perform this altruistic act and receive a WARDROBE UPGRADE and the obvious increase in RESPECT that will bring.
KING CON is only available on HaFa
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