A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2576 - Threads: 63
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy
Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Contains offensive and despicable content that is too controversial and too awesome for children. The stark, ugly, profound truths KING CON exposes may be soul crushing to the weak of spirit. If you allow a child to read this thread you are a bad parent or guardian. Contains strong action violence and sexualised posing.
Our guys have each got 4 ounces of BenzoFury on them and Senior Prison Office Fulton Mackay has got them on lockdown and is tossing the whole wing.
OOPS! CAUGHT WITH THEIR KNICKERS DOWN!
"A'm aff tae search prisoner 13's cell efter this one"
Where will our TOP DOGS stash their gear?
IT'S A FREE CHOICE!
Just a note on how I arrived at the results for this thread. This game relies on mutual RESPECT and the willingness of the particpants to suspend their sense of disbelief. All have proved their worth in this. This scenario was the most troubling to mark as the answer is not pre-determined. As Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay is just a man, he will make mistakes. To reflect this I used a random number generator to first decide how many of the given hiding places he would search, then again to decide which of those hiding places he actually searched. This is an arbitary method to score but I feel it reflects all criminals willingness to take risks and perhaps rely on their luck, sometimes when there is no need.
Well lets play:
"Ah ken youse git gear in 'ere somewhere laddie"
Briefly considered slipping next door and using his neighbour as a safety deposit box, showing a laughable contempt for his fellow inmates and an excellent sense of self preservation, although he would probably describe it as "simply being realistic" whilst ramming 54 condoms stuffed with 6APB down some poor saps throat.
Fortunately for his neighbour, one Mohammed Naser, [3 years 9 months a bungling brown and white dealer - Plod challenged him cos he looked shifty. Wraps of gear fell out of his pockets as he ran away, a treasure trail that any fool could follow and they did] Latex Zebra didn't have the time to nip next door and force feed him his stash, so #06 THE FIRE ALARM was quickly unscrewed, all the drugs shoved in there and smartly screwed back up again just as
The cell door swings open:
"Tell me whaur th' gear is and it'll gang easier fur youse"
Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay searches SIX locations in this cell:
#2 From the off Latex Zebra got himself a thorough bouncers from Ministry of Sound checking out Skaramangas junk type search
#7 The bed frame was taken apart and each piece visually inspected.
#8 Frustrated at the lack of results and enraged by the sneers from LZ, Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay then performed a strip search with a full body cavity inspection on Latex Zebra. Additionally Latex Zebra's every stool for the next 48 hours was minutely inspected by the wee Sweat.
#9 Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay then got on his knees and put his whole arm round the 'U' bend of Latex Zebra's W.C.
#12 All of Latex Zebra's shampoo, moisturisers and toothpaste were emptied onto the floor of his cell by the angry jock.
#13 The Gideon Bible [UNREAD] in Latex Zebra's cabinet was rifled and tossed into the far corner of the cell.
LEAVING LATEX ZEBRA IN POSSESSION OF FOUR OUNCES OF BENZOFURY!
Angry and seriously frustrated Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay and his gaggle of grinning goons went off to search:
Coops had realised long ago that he needed a safe and secure hiding place in his cell. He has spent some time organising hiding place #05 THE FAKE BRICK IN THE WALL for his cell. Over a period of a week he had a time served brickie carefully chisel out a brick from the windowsill of his cell, whilst he paid an old school forger in the Art & Craft Workshop to create a complete replica of the brick in cardboard, painted to match the rest of the wall. After a few shots of Chateau HaFa even Coops has trouble spotting which brick it is.
The cell door swings open
Juist haun ower th' gear 'n' we'll lea ye git back tae tuggin wan aff
Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay searches EIGHT locations in this cell:
#1 Sweeps all the items on the steel table to the floor, turns it over and stares at the underside of the table. Coops tells him "there's a proper mirror on the wall"
#3 Takes the light fittings apart, then puts them back together
#4 Looks underneath the bedside cabinet with his mirror on a stick
#3 Takes the light fitting apart and leaves it on the table
#4 Goes on his hands and knees and looks under the bedside cabinet
#8 Frustrated at the lack of results and enraged by Coops telling him he is "getting warmer, hotter ooh you must be burning, oh dear it's gone cold again", Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay then performed a strip search with a full body cavity inspection on Coops. Additionally Coops' every stool for the next 48 hours was minutely inspected by the wee Sweat.
#3 Stares at all the components of the light fitting again very very closely, paying special attention to the plastic thread
#12 All of Coops' shampoo, moisturisers and toothpaste were emptied onto the floor of his cell by the angry jock.
LEAVING COOPS IN POSSESSION OF FOUR OUNCES OF BENZOFURY!
Angry and seriously frustrated Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay and his gaggle of grinning goons went off for a cup of tea and some shortbread biscuits
Please click HERE to see how their choices have influenced the respect our would be KING CON's now enjoy, find out who is the current TOP DOG and who is the JACK RUSSELL yapping at their heels. Please join us again SOON for the next episode of:
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