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HarderFaster Forums >> General Mayhem >> KING CON - Episode 2: Give a dog a bad name

 
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Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Difficulty level:2


You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:

Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

The people named and their crimes as detailed in this thread are real. They have all been found guilty in court. On occasions jurors have deliberated over the evidence. In each case, a judge has decided their crimes are so serious that only a custodial sentence will suffice. The scenario covered in this thread may be offensive or disturbing to some readers. It is a work of fiction and for educational purposes only. No identification with places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No person or entity associated with this thread received payment or anything of value, or entered into any agreement, in connection with the depiction of tobacco products. No animals were harmed in the making of this thread.

Ready?
Well let's play:


KING CON


Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?


Each episode will give you choices to make, relying not only your Criminal Anthropology skill sets you will have to lie, bribe, cheat, intimidate, claw, gouge, shank and strangle your way to the top of the shit heap.


CAN YOU BECOME:

KING CON


In last weeks episode...

...You blagged your way onto the Vulnerable Prisoners Unit and shanked one of those pedo's right the fuck up.

Everyone knows you did it.
Smile
The screws are going nuts. They fucking know you did it but can't prove a thing.

Even the Home Secretary is giving the Governor grief. Someone, it doesn't matter who, but someone has got to take the rap for this.

"Someone's got to take the rap for this!"


OK.

But it isn't going to be you. The weapon used is incriminating evidence, and possession is 9/10th's of the law.

Of course, you could just drop the knife in the kitchen bins and say no more.

Not you though...

You decide it would be good idea to get rid of one of the fucking pain in the arse shitclowns this sorry gaff is infested with for the crime.

One plonker less.

And it will show the rest of the spineless fuckwits in this vegetable patch just how fucking hard core to the motherfucking bone you are, whilst making their life a whole lot better for them.


Spineless fuckwits in the vegetable patch


You are fast enough on your toes to be in and out of the marks cell straight after breakfast bish bash bosh and the evidence is in the dupe's mattress.

Using your Criminal Anthropology skills you have narrowed it down to six utter twats you'd LOVE to never see again.

Study the mugshots below and pick out the person most likely to run amok with a knife so they can take the rap for you SHANKING that beast.

Obviously you need someone who has got "Very Fucking Stabby" on their jacket...


...And did a fucking good job of being stabby too, you've got your standards.


Get away with this audacious crime and yes, you'll be the man, dog!

There is no right or wrong answer, you need to draw on the knowledge life has given you and all you have learned from the last two terms of your course in Criminal Anthropology. Each decision you make will earn you RESPECT points. These points added together will determine the winner of each episode. At the series end the highest scoring convict becomes...


KING CON


Ready? Which of the following muggy cunts in your expert opinion is not only the most stabby, but the most effective at being stabby?

Well, let's play:


KING CON


Are you going to stitch up...

LENNY



CEI



GEORGE



TIM



WESLEY



VERNON



Remember: It's just for fun Wink




KING CON


I will publish the results next week.

Pro-tip: YOU ARE IN JAIL FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T DO. YOU DIDN'T RUN FAST ENOUGH BLUD.



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Old Post10-08-2018 08:14 AM
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Latex Zebra
Brixton Trance Underword - 28/09/18 @ Club 414

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 15033 - Threads: 337
Location: London



Poll Winner!
2016
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Joint Winner
Day Party - Alumni
Honourable Mention
Tune - Mind Shift - Luke Warner and Latex Zebra
Winner
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Winner
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Winner
Club Night - Zoology 15


Lenny looks a bit fucking useless to be fair but he looks like a card carrying UKIP Nonce Stabber. He is certainly an option.

Cei? Is that even a fucking name. Could go with the "He's young and trying to make a name for himself" blag.

George is another stabby gammon looker.

Tim I don't reallly think Chinese people go around stabbing nonces... I would have read about it somewhere.

Wesley looks proper psycho... Which is why you can't pick him... It's too obvious that no one will believe it. If he shanked a nonce he'd have it tattoed on his face.

Vernon has a fucking patch on his eye... That would indicate a history of stabbiness... Though he could have just left the spoon in his tea when he had a sip.

Lenny is taking the rap for this the useless old cunt.

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Old Post10-08-2018 11:27 AM
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pieman

Registered: Mar 2013
Posts: 2526 - Threads: 4
Location:

[Edited by pieman on 10-08-2018 15:13 PM]

Lenny looks like he lives his JSA-funded life in a haze of White Star cider and cheap speed. I can easily imagine that an argument developed during an all-day session in his squalid flat about whose turn it was to go to the offie and he thought he'd let the blade decide. Definitely a candidate.

Cei is a kid out of his depth, either a shoplifter or someone who got caught selling a few pills to some randoms at Reading. Destined to be the f***boy of D wing.

George looks like Lee's (KC ep. 1) dad. Small-time politician wearing a football scarf to curry favour and win votes when in reality he couldn't give a f*** for the peasantry behind him. An arsehole but not a stabby one.

Tim strikes me as an economics lecturer who has been (rightly) arrested for suggesting that post-neoclassical endogenous growth theory is a thing. Safe from a slice but throw the key away.

Wesley's resigned expression suggests he's no stranger to the cells. Possibly a coke dealer, clearly doesn't give a f***, could be a stabby b****** but might be more inclined to use a shooter when the chips are down and the filth are circling. Another candidate.

Vernon - if anyone ever looked like a filthy nonce beast it's this fellow. Will shank him if I have time to spare before passing the blade off to a mate on the landing to secrete.

Another tough one, but I'm going for Lenny over Wesley as hapless Len doesn't look like he has any self-control once the demon booze takes hold and would happily slice his gran for a can of K.

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Old Post10-08-2018 14:51 PM
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Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

I fucking love these replies! Thanks guys
Rolls On Floor Laughing

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Old Post10-08-2018 15:01 PM
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wykah
What would Macgyver do?

Registered: Jul 2005
Posts: 8018 - Threads: 436
Location: Hackbridge, Surrey

It's obviously Lenny. Years of stabbing beer cans to get to the contents quicker has turned this man into a bladed maniac...easily placated with a beer though.

The only thing Cei has stabbed is the space bar on his keyboard. Too much of his life spent playing Fortnite.

George stabbed a balloon with a knitting needle at a fete once, and just because it was red, not blue. So much rage!

Tim is innocent and should be cleared of all charges.

Wesley has a face that looks like it looked at the Arc of the Covenant for a split second. Now nobody invites him to do his magic show at children's parties.

Vernon is too well dressed to be stabby. He's in this poll just to throw us off the scent.



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Old Post10-08-2018 22:02 PM
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Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

[Edited by Guile on 16-08-2018 15:37 PM]

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Difficulty level:2


Welcome to H.M.P. HaFa Towers

Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?


Let's find out.


KING CON



You've shanked a beast on the Vulnerable Persons Unit, and the Governor is determined to find out who did it. It isn't going to you who takes the rap. Thanks to your Criminal Anthropology skills you could take a guess at who would be best to dump the knife on, someone stabby and someone that is a fucking waste of skin

Whoever it was needs to be a believable suspect for the crime, and hated by the other cons. This would not only take the heat off you but publicly getting rid of a fuckface from the prison at the same time will increase your RESPECT amongst your peers.

Ready? Well, let's play:



KING CON


Who is best to stitch up...

LENNY EVANS
CHRONIC ALCOHOLIC AND POLY-DRUG ABUSER
STABBED HIS LONG TERM PARTNER IN A ROW OVER WHO WAS GOING TO BUY THE OUT OF DATE SANDWICHES FROM SPAR FOR LUNCH
UNIVERSALLY DESPISED



CEI OWENS
DARK WEB DRUG DEALER VENDING MAGIC MUSHROOMS & HIGH QUALITY HASHISH
CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HAVING A LAUGH ON THE INTERNET, SELLING THINGS THAT GROW NATURALLY AND MAKING A BIT OF CASH HAS LANDED HIM IN JAIL
THE MUSCLE MARY'S ARE ALL WANTING A BIT OF HIM



GEORGE ROGERS
BORING WANNABE POLITICIAN LUNATIC
FORMER CHAIRMAN OF CHESTER LADIES F.C.
FORMER CHAIRMAN OF CHESTER CITY INDEPENDENT SUPPORTERS ASSOCIATION
FORMER INDEPENDENT PARTY CANDIDATE FOR CHESTER
BURGLED A HOUSE, SPRAYED THE OWNER WITH CS GAS, STABBED HIM IN THE STOMACH AND ARM.
HE DID IT FOR THE LOVE OF A WOMAN FFS
A RIGHT PAIN IN THE ARSE.
EVERYONE THINKS HE'S A TIT, SPENDS ALL DAY IN HIS CELL



TIM CHAN
CANNABIS FARMER
ONLY TIME HE GOT STABBY WAS WITH A CHOW MEIN
HELPS THE THICKOS WRITE LETTERS HOME



WESLEY HARDMAN
CAREER CRIMINAL
LOVES GETTING WASTED ON BROWN AND WHITE
LOVES STEALING CARS AND CRASHING THEM
LETS THE OTHER PRISONERS PUNCH HIM FOR SPICE
THE GUYS IN THE BOXING CLUB LOVE HAVING HIM AROUND TO PUNCH WHAT LITTLE SENSE HE HAS LEFT OUT OF HIM



VERNON HENSHAW
RAPIST BEAST
HE'S A SICK FUCKER, DESERVES TO BE STITCHED UP IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE.
NOBODY CAN BEAR TO BE NEAR THIS DEGENERATE



Let's see what our convicts made of these tosspots.

LATEX ZEBRA
This is what it's all about.
Sound, peer reviewed scientific facts about physical signifiers of criminal intent as the foundation and then acting on gut instinct with a lightning fast accurate judgement he joined up the dots.

Completely Infallible.

It's when the Criminal Anthropologist overthinks things he goes astray.

Latex Zebra is getting his form back after a wobbly start. He was bang on the money with Takeaway Tim, as being more concerned with profits than righting the wongs of society.

LZ had sold that Wanker Wesley some spice already and knew he was a deadbeat but correctly recognised his entertainment value on the wing as a walking punchbag.

Latex Zebra rapidly smelt out Scumbag Lenny as the turd in the swimming pool, but amazingly missed out on the major league beastie. How obvious do they have to be? Coiffed hair, "evil" beard and a fucking pirates eye-patch! Maybe because the Raper man Vernon creeps about the place, while that fucking rat Scumbag Lenny is right in your face the horrid little twat.

Quote:
Overheard in the Exercise Yard by Gate#3

Latex Zebra had that knife he sliced the nonce up with and old Mackay was gagging to find it, the whole prison was getting tossed and somehow he manages to plant the sharp on that cunt Scumbag Lenny, you know the dead man walking, royal pain in the fucking arse guy?

Gollum voice: "got any buuuuurn lads?"

He's fucking gone now!

Heard LZ also stuck a couple of points of monkey dust in Scumbag Lenny's locker, but Rawlins #108 pocketed that. Swear down all them screws are bent man.


Swear down all the screws are bent man

RESPECT!



PIEMAN
This is what it's all about.
Sound, peer reviewed scientific facts about physical signifiers of criminal intent as the foundation and then acting on gut instinct with a lightning fast accurate judgement he joined up the dots.

Completely Infallible.

It's when the Criminal Anthropologist overthinks things he goes astray.

pieman was bang on with Mummy's Boy Cei, but didn't factor in the ease the Dark Web allows the most pathetic of creeps to become major drug dealers. The Dark Web is new phenomenon that allows poofs like Mummy's Boy Cei to become major players in the drug trade, at least until their first shower on the inside...

Gormless George amd his utter arseholeness is obvious to all and pieman was flawless in his summation.

pieman recognised Scumbag Lenny as the plegm in the curry, and spotted the major league beastie. The signs were there: coiffed hair, "evil" beard and a fucking pirates eye-patch. He took a risk on his way to stitch up Scumbag Lenny and sliced Raper man Vernon right the fuck up, so bad they had to airlift him to hospital.

Quote:
Overheard in the library and nobody shouted hush either

pieman had that knife he sliced the nonce up with and old Mackay was gagging to find it, the whole prison was getting tossed and somehow he manages to plant the sharp on that cunt Scum bag Lenny, you know the right pain in the fucking arse guy?

Gollum voice: "got any buuuuurn lads?"

He's fucking gone now!

Heard pieman also sliced that fucking pirate rapist good and proper with the knife on his way to stitch up Scumbag Lenny, ALL the twats get stitches of one sort or another from that dude!


Stitch that you cunt!


RESPECT!




WYKAH
This is what it's all about.
Sound, peer reviewed scientific facts about physical signifiers of criminal intent as the foundation and then acting on gut instinct with a lightning fast accurate judgement he joined up the dots.

Completely Infallible.

It's when the Criminal Anthropologist overthinks things he goes astray.

When Wykah was a kid, he was in the Cub Scouts and a Den Mother by the name of Mrs. Faggery taught him "backwoods common sense" and the motto "Be prepared." Using this and his Criminal Anthropology training he was bang on the money with Takeaway Tim, as being more concerned with spider mites than sex pests.

He'd spotted Wanker Wesley as a joke correctly recognising his entertainment value on the wing as a walking punchbag.

Wykah knew Scumbag Lenny was as welcome on the wing as a pig in Tehran, but amazingly missed out on the major league beastie. How obvious do they have to be? Coiffed hair, "evil" beard and a fucking pirates eye-patch! Maybe because the Raper man Vernon creeps about the place, while that fucking rat Scumbag Lenny is right in your face the horrid little twat.

Quote:
Overheard in the Laundry room

Wykah had that knife he sliced the nonce up with and old Mackay was gagging to find it, the whole prison was getting tossed and somehow he manages to plant the sharp that cunt Scumbag Lenny, you know the dead man walking, royal pain in the fucking arse guy?

Gollum voice: "got any buuuuurn lads?"

He's fucking gone now!

Heard Wykah also stuck a couple of points of monkey dust in Scumbag Lenny's locker, but Rawlins #108 pocketed that. Swear down all them screws are bent man.


Swear down all the screws are bent man


RESPECT!





Please click HERE to see how their actions have influenced the respect our convicts now enjoy, you can also find out who is the current TOP DOG, who is yapping at their heels, and just exactly who is the fucking poodle.

The game is on!

Please join us again for the next episode of:


KING CON


only on HaFa

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Old Post16-08-2018 14:59 PM
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Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

Special RESPECT Bonus Unlocked: MAKING THE HEADLINES

Quote:
Everyone is talking about pieman, he's made the papers

"The fucking papers always come late in this dump. Hang on! Look at this!"



"HAHAHAHA! It's that horrible beast what got stabbed up by pieman, fucking great"



RESPECT!

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Old Post16-08-2018 22:43 PM
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