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HarderFaster Forums >> General Mayhem >> KING CON - You're the man now dog.

 
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Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

[Edited by Guile on 05-09-2018 23:55 PM]

[Edited by Guile on 09-09-2018 13:53 PM]

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class


You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:

Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

The people named and their crimes as detailed in these threads are real. They have all been found guilty in court. On occasions jurors have deliberated over the evidence. In each case, a judge has decided their crimes are so serious that only a custodial sentence will suffice. The scenario's covered in this master class may be offensive or disturbing to some readers. It is a work of fiction and for educational purposes only. No identification with places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No person or entity associated with this thread received payment or anything of value, or entered into any agreement, in connection with the depiction of tobacco products. No animals were harmed in the making of this thread.

Ready?
Well let's play:


KING CON


Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?


A successful criminal needs good ideas.

For that he needs information, a little here, a little there - it all adds up. You help people out. They do you favours back. You require information.

This thread is the place to go to for rumours, information, finding out whose fast, whose on the up, whose a royal pain in the arse and just seeing who would fail a chin test.

It's also in this thread you can also find out how respected in H.M.P. Hafa Towers you are week by week as the simulation runs its course.

Upcoming Missions.

Main Mission #5


After all this hard work you deserve some R & R. You need the kind of loving only a BAD GIRL can give you. Luckily H.M.P. HaFa Towers has a high security womens wing, and you want to bang a bad bitch just like you used to in the good old days


You're going to SHAG the baddest of the bad, and maybe her pals too...


Using your pet Prison Officer you have managed to gain overnight access to the female side of the prison. Now with only your Criminal Anthropology skills can you identify the real mad bitch in this wing of crazy bitches? Then boost your own reputation by banging the PSYCHO BITCH and adding to your own RESPECT score by demonstrating that you can ALWAYS get what you want, when you want it, and how you want it.

Only you can do this Big Dog


A lap dance with no pants
that's the meaning of romance


crib notes:

Needless to say there is plenty of inspiration in H.M.P. HaFa Tower library for your enlightenment.







Bonus Mission #5


Go for it fly boy


The results of the previous missions will be published here soon!

Come on down!

PREVIOUSLY:
KC Ep#1 KC Bonus#1
KC Ep#2 KC Bonus#2
KC Ep#3 KC Bonus#3
KC Ep#4 KC Bonus#4

WHO WILL BE THE


KING CON

Find out - Only on HaFa

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Old Post05-09-2018 23:36 PM
Guile is online   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile   Visit the homepage of Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy


KING CON


RESULTS

Episode 4: Lie down with dogs, you get fleas and Bonus Mission 4: Beast or Priest?
Click here for Mission 4 and Click here for Bonus Mission 4


This week's TOP DOG is:

pieman
current RESPECT points: 34
ASSET UNLOCKED - CHAPEL BREWERY AND BASH HOUSE = 4
DOING BUSINESS WITH KIAH ANDRUSJAK=3
NEW TOTAL = 41

>>>Holding on to the stop spot, pieman yet again demonstrates his almost supernatural ability to spot crime and the wrong 'uns who perpetrate it. An astonishing run so far from pieman, he is dealing with the pressure to maintain and stay at the top like a real man and just keeps on coming up with the goods<<<

Another massive increase in RESPECT from the other convicts is his just reward for brewing up a brandy that knocks spots off Courvoisier and ensuring his lads have a safe haven to bash the drugs without anyone's cell getting dirty. As ever, pieman had no difficulty in spotting a MONSTER.

His highly abusive yet financially profitable relationship with a woman with the mental age of a 15 year old but owner of the most beautiful tits in the prison service has won him so much RESPECT. The saucy pictures he sells of the his Prison Officer girlfriend showing off the bounciest tits for miles ensures his legend reaches far beyond the walls of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is proving to be the Caesar of the nick!

RESPECT!


Wykah
current RESPECT points: 23
ASSET UNLOCKED - CHAPEL BREWERY AND BASH HOUSE = 4
DOING BUSINESS WITH LAINIE MARTIN=3
NEW TOTAL = 30

>>>Wykah exhibits grief in the face of tragedies, open fear in perilous situations, and shows pain after a fight. This makes him that most truly dangerous of criminals, an evil bastard who through cunning use of his empathy knows exactly how to exploit any situation to maximize his own personal well being <<<

Another massive increase in RESPECT from the other convicts is his rightful reward for brewing up a brandy that knocks spots off any Remy Martin and ensures a safe haven for his geezers to bash the drugs in removing the need for someone's cell to be dirty. Of course Wykah had no difficulty in spotting the BEAST.

The strangely abusive, yet highly profitable relationship that Wykah has with Lainie Martin shows how he exploits in the most disgusting fashion a weak woman suffering from a serious mental delusion.

A delusion that made her develop a parasocial attachment to a damaged heroine character in a famous opera opera; a delusion which Wykah actively encourages and enables; then cruelly exploits for his own criminal gain. His callousness is truly remarkable. His willingness to wear the loudest shirts known to man in order to flood the nick with gear has however, IN THE END, won him huge RESPECT from the other LAGS.

He took the mockery about his shirts, but nobody laughed when they wanted a phone or some burn. Wykah is a powerful force in H.M.P. HaFa Towers, a serious contender for TOP DOG

RESPECT!


Latex Zebra
current RESPECT points: 21
ASSET UNLOCKED - CHAPEL BREWERY AND BASH HOUSE = 4
DOING BUSINESS WITH KIAH ANDRUSJAK=3
NEW TOTAL = 28

>>>Latex Zebra "doing the business Wink" with the sexiest Prison Officer with the bounciest tits ever is really building on his reputation and consolidating the RESPECT the other cons line up to pay him<<<

Latex Zebra is an acclaimed Criminal Mastermind when on the outside, and somehow restrained his natural urge to end the miserable existence of Don Mercedes for the greater good of the prison population, demonstrating his caring, sharing side - his bash house is a beautiful spiritually uplifting location and he is also able to manufacture and supply unlimited quantities of the most amazing moonshine at knock down prices.

In an abusive yet strangely caring relationship with a vulnerable woman, Latex Zebra regularly demonstrated to the other cons that banging Kiah in the broom cupboard wasn't just about him getting his filthy maulers on the most perky tits in the prison service; for example the Chocolate Oranges she smuggles into the prison which he then sells with a FILTHY LEER about the hiding place gains him massive RESPECT.

There is no doubt that the saucy pictures he sells of Kiah's bouncy tits and jolly smiles also ensure his legend reaches far beyond the walls of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is proving to be the STUD DOG of the chokey!

RESPECT!


Voodoobass
current RESPECT points: 18
ASSET UNLOCKED - CHAPEL BREWERY AND BASH HOUSE = 4
DOING BUSINESS WITH SAFAK BOZKURT=3
NEW TOTAL = 25

>>>Voodoobass has made some superb SNAP decisions in his latest return to prison life! It is when the Criminal Anthropologist overthinks matters he errs.<<<

Voodoobass has a new regime of drugs that help to control the worst of his rages and has a new vocabulary of psychobabble to guide him. His time in Broadmoor has given him the inner strength to control his violent urges and the keys to unlock and unleash the madness of others. His own breakdown was a crash course in understanding and utilising the mental deficiencies of his victims to his advantage.

Using his new found inner mental strength Voodoobass restrained his god given urges to squash Don Mercedes like a cockaroach for the greater good of the prison population, thereby demonstrating his manipulative abilities - his bash house has no connection to his cell and he is now able to manufacture and supply the most amazing "heart of wine" brandy for very little financial outlay with the minimum of risk.

His relationship with the perverted sadist Safak leaves one to wonder who is really abusing who? Safak's constant and abusive rough searches combined with the overtly intrusive and savage probing of his every bodily orifice occasionally left Voodoobass bleeding and shaking with shock. The full psychological impact of this debasement and the long term effect for Voodoobass combining business with pleasure like this cannot be underestimated and it must only be a matter of time before the volcano that is Voodoobass blows again!

His willingness to "take one for the team" and sort everyone out for gear has boosted the RESPECT levels Voodoobass enjoys from his peers, and it can now only be a matter of time before he claims the top spot as his own, or has another MASSIVE MELTDOWN!

RESPECT!

Coops
current RESPECT points: 13
ASSET UNLOCKED - CHAPEL BREWERY AND BASH HOUSE = 4
DOING BUSINESS WITH KIAH ANDRUSJAK=3
NEW TOTAL = 20

>>>A natural in Criminal Anthropology Coops makes this look so easy. Do not be fooled! Beneath that laissez faire attitude lies a ruthless and determined individual weighing up the odds and picking and choosing his battles carefully<<<

Coops is playing the long game, he knows life is not a sprint and likes to consider all the angles before striking. If this means sometimes he misses some good business he accepts this, as it also ensures he doesn't make spur of the moment errors.

He instantly recognised Don Mercedes as a beast and saw how best to turn that knowledge for the greater good of the prison population and his own personal gain. The bash house Coops established is a model in efficiency and he is also manufacturing and supplying the most amazing snide Hennessy. He will surely build on these latest successes to snatch the title of TOP DOG from the jaws of his rivals!

In a mutually beneficial relationship with a scheming fellow criminal, Coops demonstrated that working with him was all about trust and mutual respect. A business relationship with Coops is of benefit to all involved and the fact he was also getting his maulers on the most perky tits in the prison service was just a bonus.

Wink

Coops has super boosted the level of RESPECT he enjoys. The racy, autographed pictures he sells of Kiah's bouncy tits ensures his legend reaches far beyond the walls of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is shaping up to be the MAIN MAN! May he go from strength to strength

RESPECT!


***CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL PARTICIPANTS: 100% SUCCESS RATE SPOTTING THE PEDO IN "PRIEST OR BEAST?"***
***STATISTICAL PROOF OF THE EFFECTIVENESS OF CRIMINAL ANTHROPOLOGY***
***THANK YOU***


Space
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Although a feared individual, Space will find his work cut out for him without a crew behind him. His hopes to dominate are fading like the ink on his library ticket, but a LONE WOLF can still dominate the lesser cons and hope to become TOP DOG <<<

5709
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Although a feared individual, 5709 will find his work cut out for him without a crew behind him. His hopes to dominate are fading like the ink on his library ticket, but a LONE WOLF can still dominate the lesser cons and hope to become TOP DOG <<<

ceeks
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Although a feared individual, Ceeks will find her work cut out for her without a crew behind her. Her hopes to dominate are fading like the ink on her library ticket, but a LONE WOLF can still dominate the lesser cons and hope to become TOP DOG <<<

Quin.
current RESPECT points: 4


>>>Quin. will never have any problems in the showers and is RESPECTED by all in the prison<<<

His probation officer is delighted with the progress at rehabilitation Quin. has made, and if he carries on like this will be able to lecture the new cons on how to keep your head down, do easy time and get early parole. It can only be a few weeks now until Quin. is once again a free man.

Wearing a tag.


It's all to play for!

Next Mission:

GIVE THE DOG A BONE

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the Bonus Mission is:




THAT'S SO RIGHT ON DADDY-O!



KING CON


only available on HaFa

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Old Post05-09-2018 23:59 PM
Guile is online   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile   Visit the homepage of Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

[Edited by Guile on 14-09-2018 09:24 AM]

[Edited by Guile on 20-09-2018 10:00 AM]

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class


You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:

Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

The people named and their crimes as detailed in these threads are real. They have all been found guilty in court. On occasions jurors have deliberated over the evidence. In each case, a judge has decided their crimes are so serious that only a custodial sentence will suffice. The scenario's covered in this master class may be offensive or disturbing to some readers. It is a work of fiction and for educational purposes only. No identification with places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No person or entity associated with this thread received payment or anything of value, or entered into any agreement, in connection with the depiction of tobacco products. No animals were harmed in the making of this thread.

Ready?
Well let's play:


KING CON


Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?


A successful criminal needs good ideas.

For that he needs information, a little here, a little there - it all adds up. You help people out. They do you favours back. You require information.

This thread is the place to go to for rumours, information, finding out whose fast, whose on the up, whose a royal pain in the arse and just seeing who would fail a chin test.

It's also in this thread you can also find out how respected in H.M.P. Hafa Towers you are week by week as the simulation runs its course.

Upcoming Missions.

Main Mission #6


The Home Office, the Governor and Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay have noticed an increase in crime, disruption, drug abuse and other major problems in their precious prison. Such is the extant of the disruption it can only be because of an organised criminal force. They are slowly waking up to the fact that there is a TOP DOG pissing all over their rule book.

YOU

You need a distraction, something other than you and your cronies for The Man to worry about, so you can carry on with business. Not a riot that's too disruptive, but something intense that will take the heat right off you.


A hostage situation...


If one of the loonies on the wing took a hostage, a probation officer, a health visitor, or even better a prison officer and barricaded themselves into their cell that would be perfect. You want someone dangerous and downright nasty to take a hostage, a Hannibal Lecter type to really shit the authorities up.

Armed with your Criminal Anthropology skills can you identify the maddest hatter in the selection of mad hatters at your disposal? You know exactly how to persuade the fruitcake to play along with your scheme and allow business to carry on as normal.

Showing everyone who really runs this nick will increase the RESPECT you enjoy by demonstrating that you can ALWAYS do what you want, when you want to, and how you want to.

Only you can do this Big Dog


"I want a helicopter, £500, and a bag of doughnuts or the dame gets it"



Bonus Mission #6



ABRACABLOODYDABRA!


The results of the previous missions will be published here soon!

Come on down!

PREVIOUSLY:
KC Ep#1 KC Bonus#1
KC Ep#2 KC Bonus#2
KC Ep#3 KC Bonus#3
KC Ep#4 KC Bonus#4
KC Ep#5 KC Bonus#5



WHO WILL BE THE


KING CON

Find out - Only on HaFa

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Old Post13-09-2018 11:55 AM
Guile is online   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile   Visit the homepage of Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy


KING CON


RESULTS

Episode 5: Give the dog a bone and Bonus Mission 5: Chemical dog
Click here for Mission 5 and Click here for Bonus Mission 5


This week's TOP DOG is:

pieman
current RESPECT points: 41
BOOTY CALL WITH MICHELLE = 3
DRONE PICK-UPS ACHIEVED= 3
NEW TOTAL = 47

>>>HERO...HYPOCRITE...CRIMINAL...MANIAC...MONSTER...Whatever else he is, pieman is STILL the TOP DOG<<<

What is the secret to piemans success? In the fetid, rotten gutter that is H.M.P. HaFa Towers he is a mighty titan towering above his lowly scumbag rivals demanding and receiving their RESPECT. The industrial quantities of drugs and tech he seemingly plucks from the air ensure his word is the real law in the jungle that is prison life.

His every action denies social authority, he just does whatever he wants. Most lags play table tennis for relaxation, pieman has wild and depraved sex with some of the most deadliest jades known to man. His latest conquest whinged and complained to such an extant she drove her last lover to suicide but pieman made that bitch moan in a very different way.

Teaching the prison about advanced drug dealing, giving post graduate courses in terror, tyranny, blackmail, murder and mayhem, pieman demands and receives total RESPECT. His reputation and the tentacles of his evil empire stretch far beyond the confines of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is proving to be a diabolical criminal genius!

RESPECT!

Latex Zebra
current RESPECT points: 28
GAVE HAYLEY A HOT BEEF INJECTION = 3
DRONE PICK-UPS ACHIEVED= 4
NEW TOTAL = 35

>>>Latex Zebra is an established Master Criminal on the outside and is showing how it's done even when incarcerated ensuring the RESPECT that is his right is duly paid to him<<<

Quote:
Hayley thinks...

"I'm going to screw the fucking arse off you" she repeated to herself. The words were like an aphrodisiac, connected with that coarse, brutish lecher with the broken nose who had accosted her the day before. And he’d made a date with her: Thursday night in your cell, eight o’clock.

The thought of a good hard shag with an animal like him shamed her. She shut it out of her mind. But it returned with greater force as she remembered how he’d stalked her like a jungle creature right there in the Art and Craft workshops. He had moved slowly, an implacable force of destruction, confident of his power over her. She was revolted, sickened, but she would fuck him as hard as she could.

She needed ugliness, degradation, punishment. She didn’t want it, but she was driven to it…




Latex Zebra yet again demonstrates to the other lags his "martini" abilities regarding sex with women.

anytime, anyplace, anywhere

...despite being banged up! This coupled with his ability to produce drugs and tech seemingly on demand has earned him massive RESPECT his legend reaches far beyond the walls of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is proving to be the CAPO DEI CAPO of the chokey!

RESPECT!

Voodoobass
current RESPECT points: 25
SECRET RESPECT BONUS UNLOCKED "COCK O' THE JAIL" = 5
DRONE PICK-UPS ACHIEVED= 4
NEW TOTAL = 34

>>>Voodoobass was like a fat kid in a pie shop on the Cat. A wimmins wing and lost track of time.<<<


SECRET RESPECT BONUS UNLOCKED "COCK O' THE JAIL"


Voodoobass had previously smiled and waved at kooky Kathy across the exercise yard, leading her to believe she was something special to him. A girl with serious daddy issues she went demented when she discovered her new "boyf" was working his way through the other girls and completely ignoring her. In her anger and rage she rang the emergency bell and alerted the screws to his presence on the womens wing.

She may have saved his life.

That said, Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay was less than impressed with V.b.'s antics and his extended priapism which continued for the next 15 hours. The huge bag of horny goat weed found on him and his refusal to explain how he penetrated the Womens Wing caused the Home Office to order a full investigation to be launched during which Voodoobass was put on LOCKDOWN in THE CAGE for a week.

He will not therefore be able to participate in Episode 6 Main Mission or Bonus Mission #6. He will be released back into the General Population in time for Episode 7 Main Mission and Bonus Mission #7. He has also had an extra YEAR added to his sentence.

This has added hugely to the RESPECT Voodoobass enjoys from his peers and the number of wimmen he actually bonked and buggered increases every time the story is retold.

His uncanny ability to produce a wide variety of drugs and tech to flog to the other prisoners has also heightened the RESPECT levels Voodoobass enjoys, this is despite his many enforced absences from the General Population. The man is becoming a legend, and the authorites are concerned that the other prisoners may come to regard him as TOP DOG with the resulting chaos that will ensue IF he has another of his MASSIVE MELTDOWNS!

RESPECT!

Wykah
current RESPECT points: 30
WENT ALL THE WAY WITH KATIE = 3
DRONE PICK-UPS ACHIEVED= 0
NEW TOTAL = 33

>>>Wykah is armed with almost infinite scientific resourcefulness, which sadly backfired on him this week. <<<

Wykah was in the canteen, sitting with his crew discussing how he chose which of the Cat. A wimmen prisoners he'd bang and failed to notice a uniformed figure lurking behind him...


Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay, who overheard:


Quote:
wykah said on 10-09-2018 10:02 PM
...Brenda, go to swipe right but I did an image search on google just in case, realised her past then quickly swiped left...



Aaaaaand as prisoners are not supposed to have access to the internet, Wykah has been put on LOCKDOWN in THE CAGE for a week and will not be able to participate in Episode 6 Main Mission or Bonus Mission #6. He will be released back into the General Population in time for Episode 7 Main Mission and Bonus Mission #7. He has also had another SIX MONTHS added to his sentence.

Still, he got yet another massive increase in RESPECT from the other convicts for knobbing krazy Katey from the Cat. A wimmens wing and living to tell the tale as his righteous reward. His joke about her spending too much time in bars points to his deep grasp of Criminal Anthropology.

Sadly his failure to collect the drugs that his Fam smuggled in for him has resulted in a serious shortage of gear in the nick; his cronies are having a difficult time dealing with their desperate, clucking customers. Wykah's enforced absence of leave, banged up in the block will ensure his Fam have an ardous time of things until their leader returns.

Rival firms will surely be jockeying to fill the void he has left.

Despite being wrapped up Wykah is still a force to be reckoned with in H.M.P. HaFa Towers, the RESPECT he is held in by the other lags ensures he remains a serious contender for TOP DOG

RESPECT!


Coops
current RESPECT points: 20
GETTING DOWN AND DIRTY WITH HAYLEY = 3
DRONE PICK-UPS ACHIEVED= 2
NEW TOTAL = 25

>>>Coops once again shows how it's done. He is throbbing with the white heat of violence, bloodshed and uninhibited sexuality!<<<

Hayley is the talk of the jail, and Coops pulled that ass all night long. Everyone wants a bit of Hayley: the bean flickers, the guards and the straight cons are all envious of him.

The fact that Coops is able to waltz in and out of the various sections of the prison undetected, use the blood-stained queens of crime as his personal harem, coupled with his almost magical abilities to come up a huge and seemingly unlimited selection of drugs and tech ensures Coops and his crew enjoy an almost fabled status.

Coops is currently basking in the RESPECT the other prisoners are only too happy to give him. His Fam are to a man PROUD to be associated with him and defer to his judgement in all matters.

By ensuring his crew only take carefully calculated risks Coops has built a solid foundation to become the Caeser of H.M.P. HaFa Towers; it is to be noted that he is currently amongst the top contenders for the ultimate salutation of TOP DOG!

RESPECT!



Space
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Although a feared individual, Space will find his work cut out for him without a crew behind him. His hopes to dominate are fading like the ink on his library ticket, but a LONE WOLF can still dominate the lesser cons and hope to become TOP DOG <<<

5709
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Although a feared individual, 5709 will find his work cut out for him without a crew behind him. His hopes to dominate are fading like the ink on his library ticket, but a LONE WOLF can still dominate the lesser cons and hope to become TOP DOG <<<

ceeks
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Although a feared individual, Ceeks will find her work cut out for her without a crew behind her. Her hopes to dominate are fading like the ink on her library ticket, but a LONE WOLF can still dominate the lesser cons and hope to become TOP DOG <<<

Quin.
current RESPECT points: 4


>>>Quin. will never have any problems in the showers and is RESPECTED by all in the prison<<<

His probation officer is delighted with the progress at rehabilitation Quin. has made, and if he carries on like this will be able to lecture the new cons on how to keep your head down, do easy time and get early parole. It can only be a few weeks now until Quin. is once again a free man.

Wearing a tag.

Danj
RESPECT points:
Convicted Armed Robber = 2
Clueless at the far end of the allotment = -1
TOTAL = 1
>>>New arrival at H.M.P. HaFa Towers<<<

Danj has a lot to learn. He nearly found a whole load of BUBBLE at the far end of the allotment, which would have helped his cause, but wandered off just as the drop was being made. He seems to be struggling to find his arse with his hands whilst incarcerated, a quick session in the showers with Team Homo will soon sort that problem out. Danj needs to pull his finger out if he is to build on the RESPECT he deserves.


It's all to play for!

Next Mission:

DON'T KEEP SAUSAGES IN THE DOG KENNEL

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the Bonus Mission is:





WORD FROM THE BIRD!



KING CON


only available on HaFa

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Old Post13-09-2018 20:08 PM
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wykah
What would Macgyver do?

Registered: Jul 2005
Posts: 8018 - Threads: 436
Location: Hackbridge, Surrey

See you next week and stay out of my business whilst I'm gone.

Click here to view original image


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Old Post13-09-2018 23:45 PM
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Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

Quote:
wykah wrote on 13-09-2018 11:45 PM

See you next week and stay out of my business whilst I'm gone.
Click here to view original image




Rolls On Floor Laughing

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Old Post14-09-2018 06:42 AM
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voodoobass
a table, mes enfants...

Registered: Sep 2003
Posts: 33871 - Threads: 985
Location: somewhere else

Quote:
Guile wrote on 13-09-2018 08:08 PM
[...] extended priapism which continued for the next 15 hours.



Tee hee hee

Quote:
He will not therefore be able to participate in Episode 6 Main Mission or Bonus Mission #6.



Sulks

soundcloud.com/voodoobass
mixcloud.com/voodoobass

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Old Post14-09-2018 17:37 PM
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Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class


You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:

Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

Contains offensive and despicable content that is too controversial and too fucking awesome for children. The stark, ugly, profound truths KING CON exposes may be soul crushing to the weak of spirit. If you allow a child to read this thread you are a bad parent or guardian. Contains strong action violence and sexualised posing.

Ready?
Well let's play:


KING CON


Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?


A successful criminal needs good ideas.

For that he needs information, a little here, a little there - it all adds up. You help people out. They do you favours back. You require information.

This thread is the place to go to for rumours, information, finding out whose fast, whose on the up, whose a royal pain in the arse and just seeing who would fail a chin test.

It's also in this thread you can also find out how respected in H.M.P. Hafa Towers you are week by week as the simulation runs its course.

Upcoming Missions.

Main Mission #7


Word on the street is there is a an EX-COPPER coming to H.M.P. HaFa Towers. The PORK is a fucking BEAST and has got a fake story so he can do his time with the lads and not face the righteous retribution that is his fate.

FUCK THAT!

You are watching the new intakes like a hawk, although your PORK RADAR is usually faultless and your ability to detect a BEAST is second to none, you want to be sure before you fling the pig under the bus.

Blag a job in Admin and check the files of the NEWFAGS.
If there is anyone tasty in the intake you can recruit them for extra RESPECT points.
Impress the jail with your inside information on who is who for ultimate RESPECT.
The Governors secretary MRS. JONES is a tasty bit of work, and a man has his needs. Tap her up and win yet more RESPECT

Showing everyone your in depth knowledge of people's jackets, your ability to land the cushiest job possible and SHAG the most unattainable yet tastiest MILF in the nick can only increase the RESPECT you bask in.

Show the world that the TOP DOG can ALWAYS do what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants.

Bonus Mission #7


LOOKING LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS DOG!


The results of the previous missions will be published here soon!

Come and get it!

PREVIOUSLY:
KC Ep#1 KC Bonus#1
KC Ep#2 KC Bonus#2
KC Ep#3 KC Bonus#3
KC Ep#4 KC Bonus#4
KC Ep#5 KC Bonus#5
KC Ep#6 KC Bonus#6


WHO WILL BE THE


KING CON

Find out - Only on HaFa


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Old Post20-09-2018 11:51 AM
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Guile
Bad Guy #3

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2552 - Threads: 60
Location: a wretched hive of scum and villainy

[Edited by Guile on 20-09-2018 22:01 PM]


KING CON


RESULTS

Episode 6: Don't keep sausages in the dog kennel and Bonus Mission 6: The auld dog kens all the tricks
Click here for Mission 6 and Click here for Bonus Mission 6


This week's TOP DOG is:

pieman
current RESPECT points: 47
CURRENTLY ON A COME DOWN
BUSINESS AS USUAL = 2
NEW TOTAL = 49

>>>Prepare for the ultimate LAW BREAKING experience, piemans time in the nick is always full of thrills and blood spills it's a deep dish pie for this TOP DOG<<<

The peace and security that prisoners and officers alike used to enjoy in H.M.P. HaFa Towers is now a distant memory. The Governor knows there is a TOP DOG at work in his prison and is using all his resources to attempt to dismantle this operation. Using all of his expertise pieman is outwitting con and screw alike and earning their RESPECT. The industrial quantities of drugs and tech he keeps up his sleeve ensure his word is the real law in the jungle that is prison life.

pieman had 4 ounces of BenzoFury and got really stuck into it. Railed so much he actually made himself sick and ordered the #2 in his crew ALEX WILLIAMS to "Take the whole fucking lot and sell that shite now!"

ALEX WILLIAMS, JACKO LEWIS and his twin MARVO JONES took the 3.25 ounces away, split it up into £10 deals and flogged it off in a day.

pieman went through the most severe comedown he had ever experienced. He just sat in his cell not giving a fuck about anything. ALEX WILLIAMS would come in every morning with a huge spliff of red congolese which pieman smoked while ALEX WILLIAMS tried to discuss business. ALEX WILLIAMS then pretended to JACKO LEWIS and his twin MARVO JONES that he was getting orders and instructions direct from the BIG DOG.

Then ALEX WILLIAMS and THE TWINS went and got on with business as usual.

piemans team are keeping it together but without his guidance there has been a significant increase in acts of random violence committed by his crew.



"JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE"


His reputation and consequences of his actions have ensured his file is currently on the desk of the HOME SECRETARY as part of the urgent investigation ordered into the running of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is considering strangling every last one of them!

RESPECT!

Latex Zebra
current RESPECT points: 35
PICKED JONATHON AS HOSTAGE TAKER = 1
OUNCES OF BENZOFURY TO TAKE TO MARKET = 4
NEW TOTAL = 40

>>>They call him LATEX ZEBRA, he was a winner... He was a loser... He was a hustler... The other lags line up to offer RESPECT and buy drugs and tech from him and his cronies<<<

He hid a quarter of a pound of BENZOFURY in his cell and sneered at the screws as they ripped his drum and his arsehole APART. Most prisoners struggle to conceal an extra bar of soap under these conditions, yet Latex Zebra demonstrated sleight of hand abilities which should earn him a place in the MAGIC CIRCLE!

He was sadly mislead by the odd shaped head of Jonathon with the thin lip, who according to all the tenets of Criminal Anthropology should have been a rabid flesh eating monster, but turned out to be an educationally sub normal cabbage. Jonathon was overpowered and beaten by Prison Officer Derfel ap Griffiths. The doctor had difficulty knowing which lumps on Jonathons head were there before his pounding.

Latex Zebra is still basking in the RESPECT of his peers and his choices have resulted in a few angry phonecalls from the Home Secretary to the Governor of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is proving to be the MAIN MAN in the nick.

RESPECT!

Voodoobass
current RESPECT points: 34
CURRENTLY ON LOCK DOWN
COCK O' THE JAIL =1
NEW TOTAL = 35

>>>Good girls want him bad, bad girls want him worse!<<<


SECRET RESPECT BONUS UNLOCKED "COCK O' THE JAIL"


Voodoobass is on LOCKDOWN after his excesses of last week. This episode has added hugely to the RESPECT Voodoobass enjoys from his peers and the number of wimmen he actually bonked and buggered increases every time the story is retold. The doctors have never seen such a case of extended priapism. One of them hopes to write a paper on it.

He will be released back into the General Population in time for Episode 7 Main Mission and Bonus Mission #7. He has also had an extra YEAR added to his sentence.

RESPECT!

Wykah
current RESPECT points: 33
CURRENTLY ON LOCK DOWN
BUSINESS AS USUAL = 2
NEW TOTAL = 35

>>>The story of a man that even SCIENCE couldn't control<<<

Wykah is is on LOCKDOWN after his boasting about his internet use in front of Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay. As prisoners are not supposed to have access to the internet, Wykah has been put on LOCKDOWN in THE CAGE for a week and will not be able to participate in Episode 6 Main Mission or Bonus Mission #6. He will be released back into the General Population in time for Episode 7 Main Mission and Bonus Mission #7. He has also had another SIX MONTHS added to his sentence.

His team ensure things tick along without him: ABDURRAOUF ESHATI organises the deals and the influx and distribution of contraband while JACKO LEWIS and his gobby twin ensure all debts are paid on time, ensuring the RESPECT Wykah is held in by the other lags remains untarnished.

RESPECT!


Coops
current RESPECT points: 25
PICKED PURPLE AKI AS HOSTAGE TAKER = 5
OUNCES OF BENZOFURY TO TAKE TO MARKET = 4
NEW TOTAL = 34

>>>Coops - the man with the barbed wire soul<<<

Living up to his reputation as a man who thinks and plans far ahead, Coops had organised a superlative stash place in his cell originally intended for his percy and very effective it was too. When the shit unexpectedly hit the fan, none of it belonged to Coops, much to the anger of Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay. In less than 10 minutes after the lockdown was called off Coops' customers were snorting big fat lines of BenzoFury that stretched the length of the table-tennis table!

Requiring a little less heat from the authorities to maximise profits from his business whilst at the same time seeing a way take REVENGE and HUMILIATE Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay, Coops replaced Purple Aki's meds with a thrilling combination of crystal meth, 1P LSD, and 2C-I-NBOMe this cocktail ensured Purple Aki erupted like a volcano and took Prison Officer Derfel ap Griffiths as hostage. Purple Aki has now been transferred out of H.M.P. HaFa Towers.

P.O. DaG has taken early retirement.

More exciting than James Bond, Mike Hammer, Travis McGee, and then some. He’s ruggedly virile, he’s karate-quick, he’s Coops and he's going to be the GODFATHER!

RESPECT!



Space
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Although a feared individual, Space will never be more than a foot soldier, perhaps as a LONE WOLF he can dominate the lesser cons and hope to become a BETA DOG<<<

5709
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>The only thing straight about him is the creases in his jeans. Although a feared individual, 5709 will never be more than a foot soldier, but as a LONE WOLF he can still dominate the lesser cons and hope to become a BETA DOG<<<

ceeks
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Her bark is fearsome and if she bites you OWOWOW!
Although a feared individual, ceeks will never be more than a foot soldier, as a LONE WOLF she can and will dominate the lesser cons and will become a BETA DOG<<<

Quin.
current RESPECT points: 4


>>>Quin. will never have any problems in the showers and is RESPECTED by all in the prison<<<

His probation officer is delighted with the progress at rehabilitation Quin. has made, he lectures the new cons on how to keep your head down, talks them into methadone programmes, explains in street talk how to do easy time and get early parole. In a few weeks now Quin. will be a free man, going to footy matches, eating pies, supping a few beers and going home to his own bed.

Wearing a tag.

RESPECT!

kerb
RESPECT points:
CONVICTED ARMED ROBBER = 2
REVENGE IS A DISH BEST EATEN COLD = 2
CHOOSING PURPLE AKI AS THE HOSTAGE TAKER = 5
TOTAL = 9

>>>The strangest vengeance ever planned<<<

kerb is a NEWFAG in H.M.P. HaFa Towers. Everyone thought the young gun of HaFa Towers was going to be keeping his head down and doing easy time. But it was not to be. Whilst working out in the gym, bashing weights, spotting and sparring with the M.M.A. crew, kerb hears the following remarks:

Vaughan
"Fucking Purple Aki man. He blocked the exit to the gym and goes “Can I feel your muscles? Can I feel your biceps? He waited till I was on my own. He's 6'5'' 20 stone and all muscle”

Evans
"He goes to me once “I bet you’ve got big biceps” I told him to fuck off"

Denny
"Remember Stevey? Purple Aki got him to squat while he lay on his back facing downwards, squeezing his calves, it was fucking funny but Stevey topped himself not long after"

Bieke
“He had me flexing my muscles, doing bodybuilding poses. He said: ‘I want to see how strong you are. Pick me up in a fireman's lift and squat.’ He gets me to do a fireman's lift and I'm doing squats with him over my shoulders, made me do about 20 before a Priosn Officer came by.”

Gaz
"He measured my biceps with a shoelace, and wrote them down in his little black book. He's got all our names innit swear down. He's a STORKER and a rapist"

Trev
"I hears he now asks yer “Pop or slash?” You know, his initials carved on you or he gives you a good bumming. Fuck that's a lot of initials man"

Moysey
"He never did me like that Trev"

Kerb didn't like the sound of this at all especially as he had met Purple Aki before while on the out, and knew Purple Aki would recognise him again.
Quote:
kerb thought on 14-09-2018 06:02 PM

Ive met purple aki

he approached me up in harrogate

fking shit myself



Aaaaaaaaand seeing an opportunity for CHAOS and REVENGE on the man mountain that is AKINWALE OLUWAFOLAJIMI OLUWATOPE AROBIEKE kerb decided to set Purple Aki up by taxing his meds which ensured the freak did flip out and took a Prison Officer as hostage. Purple Aki has now been transferred out of H.M.P. HaFa Towers.

This cunning plan also BEEFED UP kerbs reputation and ensured the full RESPECT of his Fam in the gym, were Purple Aki had [as usual] been a right fucking pain in the arse. The other players are in it for kudos, glory and cash but kerbs motives were different. This was personal. Kerb wanted revenge.

Kerb may not care for the RESPECT of being TOP DOG but why shouldn't he be a wise guy in a world full of suckers?

RESPECT!

talibandan
Current RESPECT points = 1
DISRESPECT TO OTHER DOGS = -3
TOTAL = -2
>>>BOOM! ALL THE AUTHORITY OF A SUICIDE VEST<<<

talibandan is really flexing his muscles. Last week he jeered at the players for hanging around at the far end of the allotment, asking if they had lost the plot.

He has since publically jeered at kerb, inferring that kerb has been raped by Purple Aki. The other con's were all shocked into silence. kerb just walked out of the gym.

talibandan is acting like kerb failed a chin test. Nobody is quite sure how much RESPECT he deserves, but he's shaping up to be the TOP BITCH of H.M.P. HaFa Towers!

DISRESPECT!


It's all to play for!

Next Mission:

THAT DOG HAS A PEDIGREE

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the Bonus Mission is:





23 SKIDDOO DADDIO!



KING CON


only available on HaFa


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