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voodoobass
a table, mes enfants...

Registered: Sep 2003
Posts: 33898 - Threads: 985
Location: somewhere else

Quote:
Guile wrote on 13-09-2018 08:08 PM
[...] extended priapism which continued for the next 15 hours.



Tee hee hee

Quote:
He will not therefore be able to participate in Episode 6 Main Mission or Bonus Mission #6.



Sulks

soundcloud.com/voodoobass
mixcloud.com/voodoobass

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Old Post14-09-2018 17:37 PM
voodoobass is offline   Click Here to See the Profile for voodoobass  Click Here to See the DJ Page voodoobass   Click Here to send a Private Message to  voodoobass   Click Here to Email voodoobass       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2658 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

[Edited by Guile on 21-09-2018 09:14 AM]

[Edited by Guile on 23-09-2018 19:38 PM]

[Edited by Guile on 20-10-2018 09:39 AM]

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class


You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:

Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

Contains offensive and despicable content that is too controversial and too fucking awesome for children. The stark, ugly, profound truths KING CON exposes may be soul crushing to the weak of spirit. If you allow a child to read this thread you are a bad parent or guardian. Contains strong action violence and sexualised posing.

Ready?
Well let's play:


KING CON


Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?


A successful criminal needs good ideas.

For that he needs information, a little here, a little there - it all adds up. You help people out. They do you favours back. You require information.

This thread is the place to go to for rumours, information, finding out whose fast, whose on the up, whose a royal pain in the arse and just seeing who would fail a chin test.

It's also in this thread you can also find out how respected in H.M.P. Hafa Towers you are week by week as the simulation runs its course.

Upcoming Missions.

Main Mission #7


Word on the street is there is a an EX-COPPER coming to H.M.P. HaFa Towers. The PORK is a fucking BEAST and has got a fake story so he can do his time with the lads and not face the righteous retribution that is his fate.

FUCK THAT!

You are watching the new intakes like a hawk, although your PORK RADAR is usually faultless and your ability to detect a BEAST is second to none, you want to be sure before you fling the pig under the bus.

Blag a job in Admin and check the files of the NEWFAGS.
If there is anyone tasty in the intake you can recruit them for extra RESPECT points.
Impress the jail with your inside information on who is who for ultimate RESPECT.
The Governors secretary MRS. JONES is a tasty bit of work, and a man has his needs. Tap her up and win yet more RESPECT

Showing everyone your in depth knowledge of people's jackets, your ability to land the cushiest job possible and SHAG the most unattainable yet tastiest MILF in the nick can only increase the RESPECT you bask in.

Show the world that the TOP DOG can ALWAYS do what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants.

Bonus Mission #7


LOOKING LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS DOG!


The results of the previous missions will be published here soon!

Come and get it!

PREVIOUSLY:
KC Ep#1 KC Bonus#1
KC Ep#2 KC Bonus#2
KC Ep#3 KC Bonus#3
KC Ep#4 KC Bonus#4
KC Ep#5 KC Bonus#5
KC Ep#6 KC Bonus#6


WHO WILL BE THE


KING CON

Find out - Only on HaFa


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Old Post20-09-2018 11:51 AM
Guile is offline   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2658 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

[Edited by Guile on 20-09-2018 22:01 PM]

[Edited by Guile on 21-09-2018 09:13 AM]

[Edited by Guile on 21-09-2018 09:59 AM]


KING CON


RESULTS

Episode 6: Don't keep sausages in the dog kennel and Bonus Mission 6: The auld dog kens all the tricks
Click here for Mission 6 and Click here for Bonus Mission 6


This week's TOP DOG is:

pieman
current RESPECT points: 47
CURRENTLY ON A COME DOWN
BUSINESS AS USUAL = 2
NEW TOTAL = 49

>>>Prepare for the ultimate LAW BREAKING experience, piemans time in the nick is always full of thrills and blood spills it's a deep dish pie for this TOP DOG<<<

The peace and security that prisoners and officers alike used to enjoy in H.M.P. HaFa Towers is now a distant memory. The Governor knows there is a TOP DOG at work in his prison and is using all his resources to attempt to dismantle this operation. Using all of his expertise pieman is outwitting con and screw alike and earning their RESPECT. The industrial quantities of drugs and tech he keeps up his sleeve ensure his word is the real law in the jungle that is prison life.

pieman had 4 ounces of BenzoFury and got really stuck into it. Railed so much he actually made himself sick and ordered the #2 in his crew ALEX WILLIAMS to "Take the whole fucking lot and sell that shite now!"

ALEX WILLIAMS, JACKO LEWIS and his twin MARVO JONES took the 3.25 ounces away, split it up into £10 deals and flogged it off in a day.

pieman went through the most severe comedown he had ever experienced. He just sat in his cell not giving a fuck about anything. ALEX WILLIAMS would come in every morning with a huge spliff of red congolese which pieman smoked while ALEX WILLIAMS tried to discuss business. ALEX WILLIAMS then pretended to JACKO LEWIS and his twin MARVO JONES that he was getting orders and instructions direct from the BIG DOG.

Then ALEX WILLIAMS and THE TWINS went and got on with business as usual.

piemans team are keeping it together but without his guidance there has been a significant increase in acts of random violence committed by his crew.



"JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE"


His reputation and consequences of his actions have ensured his file is currently on the desk of the HOME SECRETARY as part of the urgent investigation ordered into the running of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is considering strangling every last one of them!

RESPECT!

Latex Zebra
current RESPECT points: 35
PICKED JONATHON AS HOSTAGE TAKER = 1
OUNCES OF BENZOFURY TO TAKE TO MARKET = 4
NEW TOTAL = 40

>>>They call him LATEX ZEBRA, he was a winner... He was a loser... He was a hustler... The other lags line up to offer RESPECT and buy drugs and tech from him and his cronies<<<

He hid a quarter of a pound of BENZOFURY in his cell and sneered at the screws as they ripped his drum and his arsehole APART. Most prisoners struggle to conceal an extra bar of soap under these conditions, yet Latex Zebra demonstrated sleight of hand abilities which should earn him a place in the MAGIC CIRCLE!

He was sadly mislead by the odd shaped head of Jonathon with the thin lip, who according to all the tenets of Criminal Anthropology should have been a rabid flesh eating monster, but turned out to be an educationally sub normal cabbage. Jonathon was overpowered and beaten by Prison Officer Derfel ap Griffiths. The doctor had difficulty knowing which lumps on Jonathons head were there before his pounding.

Latex Zebra is still basking in the RESPECT of his peers and his choices have resulted in a few angry phonecalls from the Home Secretary to the Governor of H.M.P. HaFa Towers. He is proving to be the MAIN MAN in the nick.

RESPECT!

Voodoobass
current RESPECT points: 34
CURRENTLY ON LOCK DOWN
COCK O' THE JAIL =1
NEW TOTAL = 35

>>>Good girls want him bad, bad girls want him worse!<<<


SECRET RESPECT BONUS UNLOCKED "COCK O' THE JAIL"


Voodoobass is on LOCKDOWN after his excesses of last week. This episode has added hugely to the RESPECT Voodoobass enjoys from his peers and the number of wimmen he actually bonked and buggered increases every time the story is retold. The doctors have never seen such a case of extended priapism. One of them hopes to write a paper on it.

He will be released back into the General Population in time for Episode 7 Main Mission and Bonus Mission #7. He has also had an extra YEAR added to his sentence.

RESPECT!

Wykah
current RESPECT points: 33
CURRENTLY ON LOCK DOWN
BUSINESS AS USUAL = 2
NEW TOTAL = 35

>>>The story of a man that even SCIENCE couldn't control<<<

Wykah is is on LOCKDOWN after his boasting about his internet use in front of Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay. As prisoners are not supposed to have access to the internet, Wykah has been put on LOCKDOWN in THE CAGE for a week and will not be able to participate in Episode 6 Main Mission or Bonus Mission #6. He will be released back into the General Population in time for Episode 7 Main Mission and Bonus Mission #7. He has also had another SIX MONTHS added to his sentence.

His team ensure things tick along without him: ABDURRAOUF ESHATI organises the deals and the influx and distribution of contraband while JACKO LEWIS and his gobby twin ensure all debts are paid on time, ensuring the RESPECT Wykah is held in by the other lags remains untarnished.

RESPECT!


Coops
current RESPECT points: 25
PICKED PURPLE AKI AS HOSTAGE TAKER = 5
OUNCES OF BENZOFURY TO TAKE TO MARKET = 4
NEW TOTAL = 34

>>>Coops - the man with the barbed wire soul<<<

Living up to his reputation as a man who thinks and plans far ahead, Coops had organised a superlative stash place in his cell originally intended for his percy and very effective it was too. When the shit unexpectedly hit the fan, none of it belonged to Coops, much to the anger of Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay. In less than 10 minutes after the lockdown was called off Coops' customers were snorting big fat lines of BenzoFury that stretched the length of the table-tennis table!

Requiring a little less heat from the authorities to maximise profits from his business whilst at the same time seeing a way take REVENGE and HUMILIATE Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay, Coops replaced Purple Aki's meds with a thrilling combination of crystal meth, 1P LSD, and 2C-I-NBOMe this cocktail ensured Purple Aki erupted like a volcano and took Prison Officer Derfel ap Griffiths as hostage. Purple Aki has now been transferred out of H.M.P. HaFa Towers.

P.O. DaG has taken early retirement.

More exciting than James Bond, Mike Hammer, Travis McGee, and then some. He’s ruggedly virile, he’s karate-quick, he’s Coops and he's going to be the GODFATHER!

RESPECT!



Space
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Although a feared individual, Space will never be more than a foot soldier, perhaps as a LONE WOLF he can dominate the lesser cons and hope to become a BETA DOG<<<

5709
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>The only thing straight about him is the creases in his jeans. Although a feared individual, 5709 will never be more than a foot soldier, but as a LONE WOLF he can still dominate the lesser cons and hope to become a BETA DOG<<<

ceeks
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>Her bark is fearsome and if she bites you OWOWOW!
Although a feared individual, ceeks will never be more than a foot soldier, as a LONE WOLF she can and will dominate the lesser cons and will become a BETA DOG<<<

Quin.
current RESPECT points: 4


>>>Quin. will never have any problems in the showers and is RESPECTED by all in the prison<<<

His probation officer is delighted with the progress at rehabilitation Quin. has made, he lectures the new cons on how to keep your head down, talks them into methadone programmes, explains in street talk how to do easy time and get early parole. In a few weeks now Quin. will be a free man, going to footy matches, eating pies, supping a few beers and going home to his own bed.

Wearing a tag.

RESPECT!

kerb
RESPECT points:
CONVICTED ARMED ROBBER = 2
REVENGE IS A DISH BEST EATEN COLD = 2
CHOOSING PURPLE AKI AS THE HOSTAGE TAKER = 5
TOTAL = 9

>>>The strangest vengeance ever planned<<<

kerb is a NEWFAG in H.M.P. HaFa Towers. Everyone thought the young gun of HaFa Towers was going to be keeping his head down and doing easy time. But it was not to be. Whilst working out in the gym, bashing weights, spotting and sparring with the M.M.A. crew, kerb hears the following remarks:

Vaughan
"Fucking Purple Aki man. He blocked the exit to the gym and goes “Can I feel your muscles? Can I feel your biceps? He waited till I was on my own. He's 6'5'' 20 stone and all muscle”

Evans
"He goes to me once “I bet you’ve got big biceps” I told him to fuck off"

Denny
"Remember Stevey? Purple Aki got him to squat while he lay on his back facing downwards, squeezing his calves, it was fucking funny but Stevey topped himself not long after"

Bieke
“He had me flexing my muscles, doing bodybuilding poses. He said: ‘I want to see how strong you are. Pick me up in a fireman's lift and squat.’ He gets me to do a fireman's lift and I'm doing squats with him over my shoulders, made me do about 20 before a Prison Officer came by.”

Gaz
"He measured my biceps with a shoelace, and wrote them down in his little black book. He's got all our names innit swear down. He's a STORKER and a rapist"

Trev
"I hears he now asks yer “Pop or slash?” You know, his initials carved on you or he gives you a good bumming. Fuck that's a lot of initials man"

Moysey
"He never did me like that Trev"

Kerb didn't like the sound of this at all especially as he had met Purple Aki before while on the out, and knew Purple Aki would recognise him again.
Quote:
kerb thought on 14-09-2018 06:02 PM

Ive met purple aki

he approached me up in harrogate

fking shit myself



Aaaaaaaaand seeing an opportunity for CHAOS and REVENGE on the man mountain that is AKINWALE OLUWAFOLAJIMI OLUWATOPE AROBIEKE kerb decided to set Purple Aki up by taxing his meds which ensured the freak did flip out and took a Prison Officer as hostage. Purple Aki has now been transferred out of H.M.P. HaFa Towers.

This cunning plan also BEEFED UP kerbs reputation and ensured the full RESPECT of his Fam in the gym, were Purple Aki had [as usual] been a right fucking pain in the arse. The other players are in it for kudos, glory and cash but kerbs motives were different. This was personal. Kerb wanted revenge.

Kerb may not care for the RESPECT of being TOP DOG but why shouldn't he be a wise guy in a world full of suckers?

RESPECT!

talibandan
Current RESPECT points = 1
DISRESPECT TO OTHER DOGS = -3
TOTAL = -2
>>>BOOM! ALL THE AUTHORITY OF A SUICIDE VEST<<<

talibandan is really flexing his muscles. Last week he jeered at the players for hanging around at the far end of the allotment, asking if they had lost the plot.

He has since publically jeered at kerb, inferring that kerb has been raped by Purple Aki. The other con's were all shocked into silence. kerb just walked out of the gym.

talibandan is acting like kerb failed a chin test. Nobody is quite sure how much RESPECT he deserves, but he's shaping up to be the TOP BITCH of H.M.P. HaFa Towers!

DISRESPECT!


It's all to play for!

Next Mission:

THAT DOG IS A MONGREL

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the Bonus Mission is:





23 SKIDDOO DADDIO!



KING CON


only available on HaFa


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Old Post20-09-2018 20:11 PM
Guile is offline   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
pieman

Registered: Mar 2013
Posts: 2532 - Threads: 4
Location:

Yeah that just about sums my week up tbh. My cover story was going to be that my internet packed up on Monday and has only just returned, with me having spent half the week on the phone to such a collection of morons as I've never seen before. Fuck Sky with a gnarly stick. But I prefer this version. Naturally I will be back, more venal and cunning than ever, once I've recovered

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Old Post21-09-2018 12:46 PM
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kerb

Registered: Nov 2005
Posts: 24375 - Threads: 1620
Location:

dude you should make a book, a novel, a blog, fucking anything.
your work rate is impeccable

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Old Post21-09-2018 15:00 PM
kerb is offline   Click Here to See the Profile for kerb   Click Here to send a Private Message to  kerb   Click Here to Email kerb       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2658 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Quote:
kerb wrote on 21-09-2018 03:00 PM

dude you should make a book, a novel, a blog, fucking anything.
your work rate is impeccable



Thanks kerb

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Old Post23-09-2018 19:37 PM
Guile is offline   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2658 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

[Edited by Guile on 20-10-2018 09:40 AM]

[Edited by Guile on 20-10-2018 15:18 PM]

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class


You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:

Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

Contains really offensive and despicable content that is too controversial and too fucking awesome for children. The stark, ugly, profound truths KING CON exposes may be soul crushing to the weak of spirit. If you allow a child to read this thread you are a bad parent or guardian. Contains strong action violence and sexualised posing.

Ready?
Well let's play:


KING CON


Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?


A successful criminal needs good ideas.

For that he needs information, a little here, a little there - it all adds up. You help people out. They do you favours back. You require information.

This thread is the place to go to for rumours, information, finding out whose fast, whose on the up, whose a royal pain in the arse and just seeing who would fail a chin test.

It's also in this thread you can also find out how respected in H.M.P. Hafa Towers you are week by week as the simulation runs its course.

Upcoming Missions.

Main Mission #8


THE GRAND FINALE!

WHO WILL BE THE


KING CON

THE FINAL MISSION

NOBODY CAN GIVE YOU FREEDOM

IF YOU ARE A MAN

YOU JUST TAKE IT




Prison was a laugh for a while, you actually even enjoyed yourself.

But it's over now.

Time to go.

Nobody has ever escaped from H.M.P. HaFa Towers before.

But then you have never been incarcerated here before.


ONE MAN

FOUR WALLS

SEVEN PLANS

WHICH WILL YOU CHOOSE?


Now with added interactive features:
ASK THE AUDIENCE

Escape from Prison and glory in the RESPECT you deserve!



Show the world that the TOP DOG can ALWAYS do what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants




Bonus Mission #8

Click here to view original image


The results of the previous missions will be published here soon!

Come and get it!

PREVIOUSLY:
KC Ep#1 KC Bonus#1
KC Ep#2 KC Bonus#2
KC Ep#3 KC Bonus#3
KC Ep#4 KC Bonus#4
KC Ep#5 KC Bonus#5
KC Ep#6 KC Bonus#6
KC Ep#7 KC Bonus#7

FINAL WEEK!

WHO WILL BE THE


KING CON

The GREAT REVEAL IS ONLY ON HaFa

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Old Post27-09-2018 09:50 AM
Guile is offline   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2658 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

[Edited by Guile on 27-09-2018 14:19 PM]


KING CON


RESULTS

Episode 7: That dog is a mongrel and Bonus Mission 7: A whistle for the dog
Click here for Mission 7 and Click here for Bonus Mission 7


This week's TOP DOG is:

pieman
current RESPECT points: 49
LOOKING LIKE THE DOGS BOLLOCKS = 3
BELOVED OF THE CHATTERING CLASSES = 2
BANGING THE GOVERNORS SECRETARY = 3
RECRUITED DAVID JENKINS = 3
RECRUITED MARK LEWIS = 3
OUTED MASOOD MASOURI AS A PAEDOPHILE = 4
NEW TOTAL = 67

>>>PIEMAN PROWLS THE JAIL LIKE A JUNGLE BEAST<<<

pieman got his first positive character reference ever in the national press, albeit page 7 of the lifestyle section, for encouraging a young criminal to go straight and become a bad boy high end tailor. pieman also has the kudos of being the first person to order a commission from him.

Tanguy Viaud is so in vogue right now and quite the darling of the socially concerned liberal metropolitan class.

So now they talk about pieman in Chelsea and Kensington, Islington and Hampstead. They call him a ROUGH DIAMOND, this PIEMAN. A geezer with a heart of gold, there's talk of getting him on Dragons Den, albeit in handcuffs.

Crime is on piemans hands, But he ALWAYS dresses well...


pieman had never worked in an office before, but he pulled some strings and he was made Assistant to the Governors Secretary before Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay could blink.

Mrs. Jones was drawn instantly to his animal magnetism and her icy professional reserve soon melted away.

Quote:
MRS. JONES PRISON GOVERNORS SECRETARY
SAID:


"I'll show you what to do, you just watch then get stuck in when you're good and ready"




Obvious how that one was going to end...



pieman also went through the records while in the office and pulled the jacket on DAVID JENKINS and saw the future. A future with JENKS working as major part of his team.

This man knew his androgel from his androderm and had huge experience in bashing drugs and dealing efficiently with cash. After a short chat with pieman, JENKS got a major craving for pie in the sky and now spends most of his time in the Chapel doing good works and looking after trembly old Father Inzo, who seems to walk into doors and fall down stairs rather a lot these days.

POOR OLD FATHER INZO

pieman initially thought MARK LEWIS-JONES was filth, but a quick glance at his file removed that doubt. MARK is a handy chap with a blade, a right stabby cunt, who sniggers as he shanks you. MARK hero-worships pieman and if pieman occassionally chucks him a gram of pub dust and a bottle of Chateau HaFa's finest, then pieman's wish is MARK's command.

Correctly identified MASOOD MASOURI as a paedophile. pieman will not have these wrong 'uns polluting his world. It's only a matter of time before MASOOD THE MONSTER gets turned off!

pieman is running roughshod all over the prison and still Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay can't pin even a minor violation on him.

For now.

pieman is currently unaware that there is a peadophile ex-copper "undercover" on his wing. The authorities have already threatened/coerced ANTHONY HUGHES and he is now supposed to pass on any information or rumour he may pick up about pieman immediately to Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay.

piemans reputation and the consequences of his actions have ensured his file is a permanent fixture on the desk of the HOME SECRETARY as part of the urgent investigation ordered into the running of H.M.P. HaFa Towers.

RESPECT!


Latex Zebra
current RESPECT points: 40
LOOKING LIKE THE DOGS BOLLOCKS = 3
BELOVED OF THE CHATTERING CLASSES = 2
BANGING THE GOVERNORS SECRETARY = 3
RECRUITED DAVID JENKINS = 3
OUTED MASOOD MASOURI AS A PAEDOPHILE = 4
FUCKING BULLSEYE! = 8
NEW TOTAL = 63

>>>HE IS A BRUTE WHO LIVES AND LOVES LIKE AN ANIMAL - A CARNIVOROUS BEAST<<<

RESPECT

Latex Zebra got a very positive character reference on page 7 of the lifestyle section in the national press, for encouraging a young criminal to go straight and become a bad boy high end tailor. LZ also has the kudos of being the first person to order a commission from him.

Tanguy Viaud is so in vogue right now and quite the darling of the socially concerned liberal metropolitan class.

So now they talk about Latex Zebra in Chelsea and Kensington, Islington and Hampstead. They call him a ROUGH DIAMOND, this LATEX ZEBRA. A geezer with a heart of gold, there's talk of getting him on Dragons Den, albeit in handcuffs.

Latex Zebra is many things, he is a winner... He is a loser... He is a hustler... But he ALWAYS dresses well...


Latex Zebra had never worked in an office before, but he pulled some strings and he was made Assistant to the Governors Secretary before Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay could blink.

Mrs. Jones was drawn instantly to his animal magnetism and her icy professional reserve soon melted away.

Quote:
MRS. JONES PRISON GOVERNORS SECRETARY
SAID:


"I'll show you what to do, you just watch then get stuck in when you're good and ready"




Obvious how that one was going to end...



Latex Zebra also went through the records while in the office and pulled the jacket on DAVID JENKINS and saw the future. A future with JENKS working as major part of his team.

This man knew his androgel from his androderm and had huge experience in bashing drugs and dealing efficiently with cash. After a short chat with LZ, JENKS got a major craving for pie in the sky and now spends most of his time in the Chapel doing good works and looking after trembly old Father Inzo, who seems to walk into doors and fall down stairs rather a lot these days.

POOR OLD FATHER INZO

Latex Zebra is running roughshod all over the prison and still Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay can't pin even a minor violation on him.

FUCKING BULLSEYE!

Correctly identified ANTHONY HUGHES as a paedophile, the fact that he is also an ex copper is just fucking gravy! Latex Zebra will not have these wrong 'uns polluting his world. It's only a matter of time before TONY THE BASTARD EX-COPPER PEDO-BEAST gets turned off!

Correctly identified MASOOD MASOURI as a paedophile. Latex Zebra will not have these wrong 'uns polluting his world. It's only a matter of time before MASOOD THE MONSTER gets turned off!

Latex Zebra is the WILD STALLION of the stable!

RESPECT!


wykah
current RESPECT points: 35
LOOKING LIKE THE DOGS BOLLOCKS = 3
BELOVED OF THE CHATTERING CLASSES = 2
BANGING THE GOVERNORS SECRETARY = 3
FUCKING BULLSEYE! = 8
NEW TOTAL = 51

>>>"Enough is enough. I will not, under any circumstances, for any reason whatsoever use the phone ... probably ... again"<<<

wykah is well known for being passionate about social causes, his most recent publicity stunt saw him leading a world wide campaign to save the Black Rhino from his prison cell. He recently got yet another positive character reference in the national press albeit this time only on page 7 of the lifestyle section, for encouraging a young criminal to go straight and become a bad boy high end tailor. Wykah also has the kudos of being the first person to order a commission from him.

Tanguy Viaud is so in vogue right now and quite the darling of the socially concerned liberal metropolitan class.

So now they talk about wykah in Chelsea and Kensington, Islington and Hampstead. They call him a ROUGH DIAMOND, this WYKAH. A geezer with a heart of gold, there's talk of getting him on Dragons Den, albeit in handcuffs.

Give him a vacuum cleaner, a ball of kite string, and a rummage in the products to be found under the kitchen sink and wykah will remove all traces of your DNA from any crimescene... And, he ALWAYS dresses well...

wykah had never worked in an office before, but he pulled some strings and he was made Assistant to the Governors Secretary before Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay could blink.

Mrs. Jones was drawn instantly to his animal magnetism and her icy professional reserve soon melted away.

Quote:
MRS. JONES PRISON GOVERNORS SECRETARY
SAID:


"I'll show you what to do, you just watch then get stuck in when you're good and ready"




Obvious how that one was going to end...



FUCKING BULLSEYE!

Correctly identified ANTHONY HUGHES as a paedophile, the fact that he is also an ex copper is just fucking gravy! wykah will not have these wrong 'uns polluting his world. It's only a matter of time before TONY THE BASTARD EX-COPPER PEDO-BEAST gets turned off!

wykah is back in action and ready for danger!

RESPECT!


Coops
current RESPECT points: 34
LOOKING LIKE THE DOGS BOLLOCKS = 3
BELOVED OF THE CHATTERING CLASSES = 2
NEW TOTAL = 39

>>>THIS AIN'T NO PARTY, THIS AIN'T NO DISCO, THIS AIN'T NO FOOLING AROUND<<<

Coops got a very positive character reference on page 7 of the lifestyle section in the national press, for encouraging a young criminal to go straight and become a bad boy high end tailor. Coops also has the kudos of being the first person to order a commission from him.

Tanguy Viaud is so in vogue right now and quite the darling of the socially concerned liberal metropolitan class.

So now they talk about Coops in Chelsea and Kensington, Islington and Hampstead. They call him a ROUGH DIAMOND, this Coops. A geezer with a heart of gold, there's talk of getting him on Dragons Den, albeit in handcuffs.

Coops has got three passports, a couple of visas, not many people even know his real name... But they do know - he ALWAYS dresses well...

Coops is currently unaware that there is a paedophile ex-copper "undercover" on his wing. The authorities have already threatened/coerced ANTHONY HUGHES and he is now supposed to pass on any information or rumour he may pick up about Coops immediately to Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay.

This could be his downfall!

His was a world of real gone guys and dolls on dope, the man they called - Coops

RESPECT!



Voodoobass
current RESPECT points: 35

>>>HIS CRAZY LIFE IS JUST FILLED WITH BLOODSHED, BEDROOMS AND BELLY LAUGHS!<<<

Voodoobass is currently unaware that there is a paedophile ex-copper "undercover" on his wing. The authorities have already threatened/coerced ANTHONY HUGHES and he is now supposed to pass on any information or rumour he may pick up about Voodoobass immediately to Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay.

But where is Voodoobass?

IN FACT HE IS CURRENTLY UNAWARE OF MUCH TO DO WITH REALITY

Yes indeed, he's had another one of his drug induced MELTDOWNS, seems Horny Goat Weed has some nasty interactions with his latest fave drug - GANESHA or 5-dimethoxy-3,4-dimethylamphetamine for the psychonauts.

He's spending some time in the clinic, where not even THORAZINE is chilling him the fuck out!


Time for your carfentanil injection Mr. Bass


RESPECT!



kerb
Current RESPECT points= 9
BANGING THE GOVERNORS SECRETARY = 3
RECRUITING MARK LEWIS = 3
TOTAL = 15

>>>A RECKLESS YOUTH CORRODED BY SIN<<<

Although kerb is a NEWFAG in H.M.P. HaFa Towers, he is rattling the bars of his cage.

kerb is currently unaware that there is a paedophile ex-copper "undercover" on his wing. The authorities have already threatened/coerced ANTHONY HUGHES and he is supposed to pass on any information or rumour he may pick up about kerb immediately to Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay.

kerb had never worked in an office before, but he pulled some strings and he was made Assistant to the Governors Secretary before Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay could blink.

Mrs. Jones was drawn instantly to his animal magnetism and her icy professional reserve soon melted away.

Quote:
MRS. JONES PRISON GOVERNORS SECRETARY
SAID:


"I'll show you what to do, you just watch then get stuck in when you're good and ready"




Obvious how that one was going to end...



kerb went through the records while in the office and pulled the jacket on MARK LEWIS and they have started hanging out, kerb liked his stabby ways and the fact he reminded him of NIKO BELLIC from GTA4.

MARK LEWIS laughs at all kerbs jokes and menaces anyone who doesn't laugh. What with the M.M.A. crowd and the blood-thirsty career criminal types at his command, people are wondering what kerb is going to do next?!?!

Kerb may not care for the RESPECT of being TOP DOG but he is a wise guy in a world full of suckers!

RESPECT!



Space
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>YOUR IMAGE IS YOUR REPUTATION<<<

Space is currently unaware that there is a paedophile ex-copper "undercover" on his wing. The authorities have already threatened/coerced ANTHONY HUGHES and he is now supposed to pass on any information or rumour he may pick up about Space immediately to Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay.

The other con's are looking to Space to stop this senseless maelstrom of violence they are all being plunged into!

RESPECT!


5709
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>THE ONLY THING STRAIGHT ABOUT 5709 IS THE CREASE IN HIS JEANS<<<

5709 is currently unaware that there is a paedophile ex-copper "undercover" on his wing. The authorities have already threatened/coerced ANTHONY HUGHES and he is now supposed to pass on any information or rumour he may pick up about 5709 immediately to Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay.

Every day people come over to his cell and bitch about drug prices, blue on blue attacks, creeps on the wing, the top dog tax, bullying, their verruca's blah blah blah.

FFS Just do one 5709 and sort this place out. These guys are killing it, they're so fucking nasty. If only he would just close his eyes then Scotland Yard will know all the details on their screens. There's sure to be a reward in it for him.

RESPECT!


ceeks
current RESPECT points: 6


>>>SHE AIN'T NO ENGLISHMAN AND SHE GOES OUT IN THE MIDDAY SUN<<<

ceeks is currently unaware that there is a paedophile ex-copper "undercover" on her wing. The authorities have already threatened/coerced ANTHONY HUGHES and he is now supposed to pass on any information or rumour he may pick up about ceeks immediately to Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay.

She keeps saying she was framed and maybe that's true, but then everyone says that.

Maybe she's innocent.

Maybe she knows right from wrong.

Look at the HEATWAVE this so called TOP DOG and his crew are bringing on everyone. She knows in her heart if she's not part of the solution, then she's part of the problem.

How long will she continue to stand silently by and allow this macho posturing to go unchallenged?

RESPECT!


Quin.
current RESPECT points: 4


>>>DELIVERING ON THE PROMISE<<<

Quin. is due to be released from H.M.P. HaFa Towers next week.

On parole.

Wearing a tag.

Quin. will be able to meet up with his Fam, have a fancy hotdog in the Blind Beggar, then off with everyone to watch the football, sup a few pints in his local, have a laugh and a kebab after chucking out time; back to his drum to sleep in his own bed and no-one is going to come knocking on his door, oh noes, none of that looking over your shoulder paranoid bullshit for Quin. BLISS.

RESPECT!


talibandan
Current RESPECT points = -2
BANGING THE GOVERNORS SECRETARY = 3
RECRUITING MARK LEWIS = 3
TOTAL = 4

>>>TAKE A GOOD LOOK. IT COULD BE YOUR LAST<<<

talibandan had never worked in an office before, but he begged and pleaded and to shut him up his probation officer made him Assistant to the Governors Secretary before Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay could blink.

Mrs. Jones was strangely drawn to his 1000 yard stare and her icy professional reserve slowly melted away.

Quote:
MRS. JONES PRISON GOVERNORS SECRETARY
SAID:


"I'll show you what to do, you just watch then get stuck in when you're good and ready"




Obvious how that one was going to end...



talibandan went through the records while in the office and pulled the jacket on MARK LEWIS. Since then he has taken to hanging out with MARK LEWIS and his cronies.

They seem to accept him as a cool guy, [for now!] and that is helping his standing with the General Population. talibandan is learning that a man needs friends in prison, especially if that prison is H.M.P. HaFa Towers!

Unfortunately talibandan is completely unaware that there is a paedophile ex-copper "undercover" on his wing. The authorities have already threatened/coerced ANTHONY HUGHES and he is now supposed to pass on any information or rumour he may pick up about talibandan immediately to Senior Prison Officer Fulton Mackay.

This may prove to be his undoing! Until then though...

RESPECT!


>>>SO PROUD!<<<

As at close of play 33% of the audience scored a FUCKING BULLSEYE!

RESPECT!


It's all to play for!

The Next Mission is the LAST MISSION:


WHO LET THE DOG OUT!


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the Bonus Mission is:





PICK YOUR PARTNERS FOR THE LAST TANGO IN THE TOWERS!



KING CON


only available on HaFa

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