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Private1

Registered: Aug 2002
Posts: 40855 - Threads: 1194
Location: London

We buried my grandmother this weekend. It was really difficult.
She put up quite a fight.

Remember to always be yourself... unless you suck, then pretend to be someone else.

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Old Post19-03-2015 11:40 AM
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danj
there is no spoon

Registered: Mar 2005
Posts: 18367 - Threads: 785
Location: Omnipresent

Quote:
Private1 wrote on 19-03-2015 09:18 AM

A photon checks into a hotel and the Bellhop asks him if he has any luggage.
The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light"

####################################

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar.
It was tense.

####################################

When I was a kid, my english teacher looked my way and said, "Name two pronouns."
I said, "Who, Me?"

####################################

What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
Beer.

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The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club.

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Why cant you trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.

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What do you call two crows on a branch?
Attempted murder.

####################################

A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, the statistician yells "We got 'em!"

####################################

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

####################################

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0k now.

####################################

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

####################################

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
HE doesn't react.

####################################

What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.



Loving the tense one Rolls On Floor Laughing

(¬_/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

HF2 - coming soon!

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Old Post19-03-2015 11:43 AM
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Private1

Registered: Aug 2002
Posts: 40855 - Threads: 1194
Location: London


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There was a man in front of me in the queue in tesco's buying condoms.
When the cashier asked if he needed a bag, he said "No, she isn't that ugly"

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Old Post06-08-2015 16:21 PM
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Private1

Registered: Aug 2002
Posts: 40855 - Threads: 1194
Location: London


Click here to view original image


There was a man in front of me in the queue in tesco's buying condoms.
When the cashier asked if he needed a bag, he said "No, she isn't that ugly"

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Old Post06-08-2015 16:27 PM
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danj
there is no spoon

Registered: Mar 2005
Posts: 18367 - Threads: 785
Location: Omnipresent

I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but it was just a Fanta-sea.

(¬_/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

HF2 - coming soon!

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Old Post11-08-2015 13:08 PM
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Private1

Registered: Aug 2002
Posts: 40855 - Threads: 1194
Location: London



There was a man in front of me in the queue in tesco's buying condoms.
When the cashier asked if he needed a bag, he said "No, she isn't that ugly"

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Old Post14-08-2015 12:18 PM
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Private1

Registered: Aug 2002
Posts: 40855 - Threads: 1194
Location: London



There was a man in front of me in the queue in tesco's buying condoms.
When the cashier asked if he needed a bag, he said "No, she isn't that ugly"

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Old Post15-10-2015 19:09 PM
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Private1

Registered: Aug 2002
Posts: 40855 - Threads: 1194
Location: London


Click here to view original image


According to physics, nothing ever quite touches. When you lay your hand on something, there is a microscopic amount of space between the atoms of your hand and whatever you're touching... so no, officer, technically I'm not jacking off right now

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Old Post09-09-2017 07:26 AM
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Private1

Registered: Aug 2002
Posts: 40855 - Threads: 1194
Location: London


Click here to view original image


According to physics, nothing ever quite touches. When you lay your hand on something, there is a microscopic amount of space between the atoms of your hand and whatever you're touching... so no, officer, technically I'm not jacking off right now

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Old Post13-09-2017 13:52 PM
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ceekay
venomous fairy

Registered: Feb 2010
Posts: 39935 - Threads: 1064
Location: In a wide open space



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Laughs out loud Not sure how I missed this thread...



"Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?"
"I'm not sure that man needs the help." (Calvin & Hobbes)

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Old Post13-09-2017 14:17 PM
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